President Obama invited me to go on Air Force One to go to Arizona when we were doing the memorial for the people who were shot when Gabby Giffords was shot. I hadn’t seen Gabby yet, we didn’t know if she was going to survive, and me and my friends who knew Gabby well were stressed out and worried. And so when he called and said, “You’re welcome to come on Air Force One,” Debbie Wasserman Schultz and I jumped at the chance. We didn’t know we’d get to visit her, but when we were on the plane, Speaker Pelosi told us that she had gotten permission for the three of us to visit her. I was in the hospital room with her when she opened her eyes. It was a huge moment. She was going to survive. She could still think. She could still see.

Failures teach you what the next battle’s going to look like, and how to prepare yourself for the next go-around.

One that crushed my heart was only getting 55 votes for the Sexual Assault in the Military bill. Several senators said, “If this hasn’t changed in the next year, I’ll be with you.” It’s been a year, and the same problems are still there. And worse. Of people who report a rape, 62 percent are being retaliated against still, and this is after the generals told us, “We got this, we got this. We need to be in charge because we’re the only ones who can protect these victims if they report a crime.” They have failed in that. It’s time for the next go-around.

It was the first hearing, and Lindsey Graham had asked the generals about why you wouldn’t take the authority to deal with sexual assaults in the military out of the chain of command, and their answer was that it would undermine good order and discipline. My head exploded, because 20,000 rapes a year is not good order and discipline. In no world, by no measure, is that good order and discipline! I was shocked they were giving me that as the reason they couldn’t change how these cases are addressed, and that is why I got so angry. Anger is very motivating sometimes.

My grandmother had a very dirty mouth, and is the one who taught me salty language. She prided herself on the dirty jokes she could tell, and she would tell them at Thanksgiving, in front of the children, all the time. I’m not a dirty-joke teller, but I sometimes will use a word for some . . . um . . . accentuation. I have to be very careful at home, because I don’t want my kids using dirty language, so I use good replacement words. But not at work. Once, I was updating Senator Lieberman on a bill, and I didn’t even realize that I’d cursed in front of him, but all the staff did [makes sound of staff choking in horror]. I didn’t even notice. I was going on and on about “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” repeal, saying, “We’re having this trouble…” And he said, “Well, we can’t do that because of thus and such. . . .” And I said, “Oh, fuck me!” The staff was so embarrassed. But I don’t think he heard me. At least I don’t think he did.

In all the lessons that my father taught me, my mother taught me, my grandmother taught me — none of them were words.

My dad was my champion in sports and always encouraged me to play different sports. He wanted me to play hard and not ever be afraid of failing. He came to every match, every game. He didn’t miss one. He wasn’t an advice giver. But his presence alone told me as a young girl that trying your hardest matters. His silent presence was very powerful. He showed up. It’s important to show up.

I believe in God and try to keep a God-centered life. Henry, my six-year-old, absolutely believes in God, no questions whatsoever. Whereas my 11-year-old, Theo, recently told me, “I do not believe in the tooth fairy and I do not believe in God.” Oh, well. You do not have to believe in the tooth fairy, but let’s talk about God, okay? I realized in that moment that Theo needed a different religious experience. The Catholic Church can be very opaque for children. I get so much more out of the Catholic mass now than when I was a kid. So I can understand Theo. He gets bored and doesn’t listen. So I’ve been taking him to a new church that has really good music, which helps because Theo is a really good musician. And he likes it. It really hits him where he lives. I don’t know if he believes in God yet, but so far, so good.

Go to a baptism and listen to the words. You are rejecting Satan in all of his forms. There is so much about religion that is dark and serious and is probably scary for children.

God decides who is faithful. People don’t.

How many women in the Senate would be enough women? 52. We’re 52 percent of the population. We should strive for parity.

The women in the Senate want each other to succeed, even though we don’t agree on everything. We seek common ground. Every bill I’ve ever passed has had a strong Republican woman supporting it.

Senator Inhofe doesn’t believe that climate change is man-made, but Senator Inhofe does believe in investing in infrastructure and energy efficiency. I can work with that guy.

It always falls to you. It’s not something that somebody has done to you. If I’m losing the narrative on women’s rights or gay rights or climate change, it means I’m not making a strong enough case.

There should be no complaining in politics.

If I could advise the 20-year-old me, I would tell her not to be intimidated by her own goals. I knew I wanted to do public service, and run for office, when I was much younger, but didn’t admit it to myself until I was 30. It took me 10 years of volunteering for other people before I admitted that I wanted to work on these issues and lead these debates. I was embarrassed. I thought it was too egotistical. A lot of female candidates experience the same thing — I’m not qualified. I’m not smart enough. I don’t know enough to run — and so they might not go for what they really want.

Own your ambition. My mother was a second-degree black belt in karate. She had bruises all up and down her arms. She was so proud of those bruises.

The paperback version of Senator Gillibrand’s book, Off the Sidelines, is now available.

Photo by Gabriella Demczuk. The New York Times/Redux

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