Que Sera, Sera
It’s going to happen anyway, so why stress?
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I recently flew to Honolulu for my stepbrother’s wedding. It was my first time in Hawaii, and thankfully, I was able to get a cheap ticket round trip through my friend who works at an airline. It was assumed by my family that I was not going to make it, since flights were generally expensive and hotels on Waikiki Beach didn't generally come cheap, however, through God’s grace, a way was made and I was able to attend, however short the initial trip was planned to be.
The wedding was beautiful, held at the home of my sister-in-law’s mother’s property on Oahu. Although there were some minor issues like bugs, a little rain, and humidity, the event itself went off seamlessly.
Everything was great, and I was in awe at the natural beauty everywhere, however it was the coming home part that would become the problem.
Due to the fact I was on a buddy pass, I was technically listed on standby. I was bumped off my first flight coming home. My mom was not happy, but she and her husband allowed me to stay in their hotel room for one night.They were scheduled to fly back home the following day.
Day 2: bumped off all the available flights out of Oahu. My nerves were spent. I was getting scared and after meeting people who were bumped off of six days worth of flights, it wasn't getting any better. I was warned that I would be bumped off flights, but when the standby list became 23 passengers long, and I was number 17 on that list, fear took over. I was worried about my rent, I was worried about my job,I was worried about my bills, I was worried about the limited funds I had on me at the time, and I was worried about how I was going to get back home.
Here I was, stuck in paradise, yet I couldn't get out of my head space. I was technically supposed to be there for 3 days. I was supposed to be in, then out. I didn't have paid time off available, so this was definitely going to cost me. Because flights back to New York were around $800-$900 one way, my folks said they wouldn't be able to cover my flight back, but before they dropped me off at the airport the following day, they gave me some pocket cash to hopefully tied me over until I got on a flight back. It was a small band aid to quell my ever growing fear, but in my mind, there was no way off the island and all I wanted to do was go home.
I immediately went into God lock down mode. This is when you contact all your prayer groups and have them pray and encourage you while you’re “in the wilderness”. In the meantime, the call went out to all my sisters and my iphone became my lifeline. Although I wasn't “in the wilderness” for 40 days, it didn't feel any better. Through texts and emails, I was able to stay connected with folks back home. Electrical outlets became my new best friend and my unlimited text message plan my saving grace.
And don’t think I wasn’t praying to Abba Father myself! I was on a never-ending prayer session with Him. I was tired, I wasn't eating, and my fear was ratcheting up for every hour that passed. I was getting text messages like the one on the left almost non-stop by several folks. Even though Hawaii was 6 hours ahead, there were folks sending me messages at 5AM ET! I knew at some point the slew of messages were going to end, and it was going to be just God and I, and at that point, God was not answering back, or at least, I wasn't able to hear God, outside of the senseless emotional noise.
Some time close to 5 PM ET/11 AM Honolulu time, I get a call from Melissa. She wanted to check up on me to see how I was doing. I had been drinking water, however I had no appetite, so I was running on the half bagel I had 4 hours earlier. Because of this, I was slightly dizzy and a little weak. She prayed that I would find paradise and that I’d meet someone who was also traveling alone and that they’d offer to buy me dinner.
I thought to myself “I’m stuck in this airport! Where am I going to find paradise in here?”
It seemed so far removed. As for the dinner part, she mentioned there were times when she would travel alone, that inevitably she’d meet a stranger who was also traveling alone, and they’d offer to buy her dinner, just so they would have some company. Since I had never had that experience before, it never crossed my mind. During the call, she ministered to me, just to help keep me sane, and she prayed with me.
A couple hours later something interesting happened. As the text messages ebbed, I discovered this garden in an exposed areas of the airport. I found a way to get down there and decided to take some time to write in my journal to just get me out of my head space. There was a gazebo, a few ponds, manicured gardens, and benches where you could take a load off. You can say it was a little slice of paradise in the airport. I sat inside the gazebo and pulled out my journal and my bible. I was reminded of a verse that had been coming up constantly in the months prior.
For we live by faith, not by sight. — 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV)
Paul was not playing when he wrote those words. I was being asked to lay down my fear, lay down all that was happening around me and just have faith that The Lord heard my prayer and was already at work making a way for me to get home. For those of us who are walking in Christ, you know full well how difficult that is to trust that it’ll all work out, especially when everything around you says it won’t. It’s mentioned multiple times in the new and old testament, that all we need to do is to ask in prayer, believe that He’s got us covered, and The Lord will deliver.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. -Mark 11:24 (NIV)
When The Lord lead me to this little sliver of paradise, He pretty much snapped me out of my fog and said
“I heard you, and I’ve got you. Here, hang with me.”
I proceeded to spend the next few hours in the gardens. Melissa’s prayer from her earlier call came true before me, I had admit, she was right. So instead of allowing my emotions to run me ragged, I took some time with my bible and just read. I was reminded of more verses, different passages, as I leafed through the book. I started pulling out quotes from David straight out of the book of psalms, jotting them down in my journal.
For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. — Psalms 108:4 (NIV)
But you, Sovereign Lord, help me for your name’s sake;out of the goodness of your love, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. — Psalms 109:21-22 (NIV)
For he stands at the right hand of the needy,to save their lives from those who would condemn them. — Psalms 109:31 (NIV)
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.5 The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.7 The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
— Psalms 121 (NIV)
After a few hours, I went back inside to escape the Sun. I needed to recharge my phone and get some more water, since my bottle was running low. Although I was feeling better, I was still tired, weak, and out of it. An older woman who remembered me from the morning flight approached me. She was pushing a large luggage cart. She had been bumped off the same flight as I, but I hadn't noticed her. She started a conversation with me, introducing herself as Kirin. We started to speak about where we were headed, but because my nerves were so frayed, I just started to cry. She took pity on me and kept me company. We discussed our predicaments. She was there to see her sister who was battling cancer. Kirin had also flown on a buddy pass, since her son was a pilot, but she was stranded in the airport for past two days, trying to get home. She was from Utah. Because buddy passes don’t offer hotel stays if you’re bumped off a flight, she had stayed in the airport by herself. She was a kind soul and, funny enough, offered to buy me dinner without being prompted. She could tell, even though she was the one who stayed in the airport for the last two nights, I was the worst for wear. During dinner, we spoke about Christ(Kirin’s Mormon), we talked about our individual walks with God(since I’m part of a non-denominational church, and a new Christian), and I spoke life into her. I also introduced her to the NIV (New International Version) of the bible, which she was not aware existed, after she admitted that she didn't read the bible because she couldn't understand the King James text, so she relied on the Mormon bible to feed her spirit.
Later that evening, we waiting to find out if we were going to be on one of the last two flights out of Honolulu that night. I prayed continuously. During that time, we became friends with anyone passenger on standby. Her name was Shanta and she was headed home to Buffalo. She was supposed to fly out earlier that day, but was bumped off the flight. She needed to get back before the weekend because she was in the army reserves and she needed to report in on Saturday. Kirin eventually got called on the last flight out, which left Shanta and myself behind, along with 21 other passengers. The counter agent suggested that we might have better luck if she bought a ticket to Maui, where there were other flights headed back to the states, however, there were less overall flights headed back and it would be taking a gamble. I looked at the funds I had left and debated whether I should do it. Thinking about the odds, I decided to stay in Honolulu.
Shanta offered to share a room with me, since the both of us were stranded, but I had let a friend of mine in town know that I was stranded at the airport, and if it were possible for me to stay with them. Unfortunately they were not able to house me, so they offered to pay for a hotel by the airport for me for the night. Since they already booked it and Shanta was still looking for a place to stay, I offered her to stay at the hotel with me. She was nice enough to offer me a place first, it seemed right to return the offer. On a whim, I looked up flights from Honolulu to JFK as we waited. There was a non-stop flight for $585.50 from Hawaiian Airlines. I wondered how I was going to get on that flight, but I was too tired at the time to think straight, so we headed to the hotel.
After we got to the hotel, check in, went to bed, my stomach was still churning.
“How am I going to get home?”
Even after all The Lord had done for me up to this point, had shown up and blessed me, I still had doubt. I was going back and forth in that “now” head space. Before bed, Shanta purchased a ticket online for three days out to fly back to Buffalo, since it was the cheapest fare available. Roughly about 4AM Honolulu time, I got a call from my mother. She and her husband had landed and she wanted to find out what was my situation. I explained to her that I was still stranded. She asked me for my flight itinerary number because she wanted to complain to the airline. She had never flown standby before, so she couldn't grasp the concept. In the meantime, I explained that I found a flight back for under $600, and asked if she and her husband would be willing to front me the money. They didn't believe it, but I checked it again, and it was still there. They made me agree to pay them back the full amount. I said I’d gladly do it. They gave me the card number and I told them that I’d call them right back. I ordered the ticket, checked my email for the confirmed reservation, and called my folks, feeling the sense of fear loosening it’s grip over me.
That night I kept going back to my inbox, looking at the confirmation email several times to confirm that it was real and that the date was correct; I was going home. I actually started to cry, I was so relieved.
When we woke up, I explained to Shanta what had happened in the middle of the night. She said since we were going to have to be in Hawaii at least one more evening, that she would front the second night, since my friends paid for our first. We also spoke about Christ. In her case, she was the daughter of a Baptist minister and she was an organist at her church. We knew it had to be God that took care of the both of us.
We spent my last day hanging together like tourists, going into town, checking out the mall, talking about our lives and just enjoying each other’s company. Although I should have been happy, there were issues weighing in my heart. I knew that even though I was going home, I wasn't out of the woods yet. My trip might cost two people their jobs, since my mother called to complain to the airlines regarding what happened and because of some twitter posts I was asked to take down (no profanity, but definitely bad press — no names were mentioned). I was going to come back financially short, and even though I kept my bosses abreast of my situation, funds would be tight for a while, and my rent check bounced while I was out of town because my bank transfer didn’t happen in time. I knew things would be ok, but my heart still felt heavy. I prayed on it and planned for my trip home.
I arrived at the airport three hours early. Even though I’ve confirmed my flight, I still looked at my boarding pass wondering if I was dreaming. After I made sure I have everything, I got on the plane, still in awe, and prepared for the 9 hour flight back to NY. Scheduled to arrive at 6 AM,I headed home via public transit, took a shower, changed, and immediately headed to work.
It took a few days to resolve all the issues that happened while I was away, and even though I can close the book on it and forget all the craziness that happened, I choose not to, because I remind myself that The Lord had me, even when there was doubt in me, He still had me.
As for some of the money issues, the delay in the transfer ended up being a blessing. There was a conference I was scheduled to fly out for at the end of that same month and the delayed cash, which I ended up covering for, once transferred, ended up being enough for my airline fee, so I ended up able to go on two trips I normally would not have been able to afford, but The Lord provided for me. And as for those two guys, they kept their jobs.
Now to explain the “que sera” business. During my phone conversation with Melissa, she said this:
“You can either enjoy your time there, or make yourself miserable. The outcome will be the same.”
Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, so there’s no point in making yourself miserable over it. Even though my behavior above sounded like I was whiny, comparable to how many folks see the Bella Swan character in the Twilight novels, it was a very scary time for me, however it did show me my threshold in respect to my trust in the Lord. It did show me where I was flawed and what I needed to work on. It was agonizing, but He still had me. The only real choices we have is how we react to situations and how we view them. The overall actions of them will still occur, but it’s really up to us what we do with the information given and it’s still on us to trust that He’s got us, and there’s nothing we can do to shake it.
The Lord gives his people strength;
the Lord grants his people security.
-Psalms 29:11 (NET)
