6 Insane Things Scott Frost Should Do Against Rutgers, Because: Why the Hell Not?

Nebraska vs Rutgers? On a Friday? During a global pandemic? While there’s a blizzard smacking the East Coast around?

Hell yes.

What’s the matter? Was that more enthusiasm than you thought I would bring to “The Battle of Piscataway” matchup between teams that are a combined 5–10 record and are firmly entrenched in the catacombs of the Big Ten?

Why am I excited? Other than the fact that sports are the closest thing to hypnosis, when it comes to helping me forget that it gets dark at 4:50 PM, is 17 degrees outside, and 3,000 people a day are dying from a disease while we breathlessly pray that they can get our vaccines out to us?

Because I’m hoping that Nebraska gets weird. That they get wacky. That they just throw the entire kitchen sink, and the dishes, and the soap, and everything else that we have at the Scarlet Knights.

I’m hoping that Scott Frost takes a long, soul-searchingly deep look out at the frigid-ass field, the empty stands, the sub-par, fully trash record and all the mountain of shit we’ve had to go through just to have a season without someone dying and says to himself, “Fuck it. Let’s just go for it.”

So, here are 6 weird-ass things Frost could do to take this obscure, blasé game and spice it right the hell up.

1.) He should wear the waist of his pants incredibly high, to honor former NJ governor (and fashion icon), Chris Christie.

2.) Don’t just have two quarterbacks in the backfield. Put them all in the backfield. Every single one. Hell, see if you can convince Rutgers to loan you one and put his ass back there.

I don’t care if you have to run the wishbone. The power I. Whatever you need to do, I want every guy that’s ever leapt up — or to the side, or down low — to take a snap from center and see what happens.

I want Brayden Miller lead blocking for McCaffery who just took a handoff from Adrian Martinez while you’ve got Matt Masker out wide and Logan Smothers running a go-route down the sidelines.

“Now in at quarterback for Nebraska: Uhh, all of them? I guess?!? Regardless, this five-QB offensive snap brought to you Skeeter Barnes Barbecue.” — Greg Sharpe

3.) I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Have the whole team wear Matt Masker Masks of Matt Masker wearing a Matt Masker Mask.

This will, hopefully spin the space-time continuum entirely off its axis and rupture the fabric of the universe, thereby enabling time travel so we can go back and kill Hitler before WWII (*Or, realistically, go back and convince everyone to vote for Ndamukong Suh to win the Heisman in 2009).

4.) Hire a chainsaw artist to carve a giant middle finger in the wood that Greg Schiano wants his team to chop before the game.

5.) Have Mario AF Verduzco send in the play calls in the second half via hand written cards, like he’s starring in ‘Love Actually’.

6.) Let the Polar Bear cook. At running back.

Besides, the weather during a Nor'easter is bascially, like, April weather where he comes from. Feed Nash.