Here’s a Cool Thing: Jaquez Yant is Now on Scholarship

Fifty Shades of Scarlet, a tale of Husker literotica:

A 6'2", 230lb, walk-on running back just earned his way to a scholarship by beating the pluperfect hell out of anyone trying to tackle him.

Six foot two. TWO HUNDRED THIRTY POUNDS. WALK-ON?!?!

Is that a corncob in your pants, or are you just happy to think about a power run game?

Waking up to read about our beloved football program and finding out that the one-time walk-on from Florida has bowled his way through to a scholarship? Someone needs to grab Husker fans a paper bag to breathe into.

Is it way too early to be this excited about an unproven talent who we haven’t even seen in a game yet? Sure. Should I probably be tempering expectations given the long, miserably hot offseason that we’re all about to pull close to our chests for the next 4 months? I would do that, I really would.

But, I’m too busy shittily photoshopping Yant into a Miley Cyrus song like he photobombed her.

Please note: this photoshop is shockingly bad, even for me. I’d like to apologize to anyone who masquerades as a rock star but is really an average girl and/or any scholarship running backs who feel besmirched by this dramatization. He’s a wrecking ball. That’s all I’m saying. Yant is, metaphorically, a wrecking ball.

That’s all this post is.

A brief, wild celebration of something so Nebraskan you could almost hold the announcement for the scholarship at Car Henge.

Giving scholarships to a walk on running back that could only be described as “bruising”? That’s some Chimney rock shit. That’s some Unicameral shit. I want more of that.

(*Author’s note: I’m going to try to post more, in an effort to liven up the old pitching arm, so to speak. Bear with me, while I work off the rust.)