The Troutman Winneth: WTH Bracket Challenge Victory Poem
This year’s proud winner of the What the Husk?!?! Bracket challenge was one Daniel Troutman, esquire. After sliding into his DM’s I confirmed that he is still interested in my gently used Scooter’s gift card and, as promised, here is his championship poem.
The Troutman Winneth
Once upon a bracket busted
One man stayed sharp, while others rusted.
He of great prognostication
now hath won Scooter’s caffeination.
His bracket picked, precision surgical
let us bow before Danny, digitally liturgical.
His bracket was fire, his picks: they were lit.
While I wouldn’t wipe with my bracket while taking a [*NSFW*].
He emerged at the top, we were all left defeated.
Did he pull a Tristan Thompson, were we all cheated?
Off his shoulder like dirt, he brushed us like Hova
Rode his way to a win, by picking Villanova.
Troutman picked Nova, and Kansas, and Tech
He rowed that damn boat like his last name was Fleck.
He mic-dropped us all, like 8 Mile Eminem,
Spanked that tourney’s ass like it was BDSM.
So to King Troutman we cheer, our glass in the air
While we privately complain, “Man, that shit wasn’t fair.”
It’s not just the pipes calling out, Danny Boy.
You won fair and square, no games and no ploy.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be sobbing and slipping into Depresso
To our champ: damn you, now go drink free Espresso.
Long live the king. Congratulations, Danny.
