Say the Word

My thoughts on words and the “Stanford Rape letter.”

Using the words “nonconsensual sex” or even “sexual assault” or any like euphemism does exactly what blaming rape on alcohol does, it obscures the real issue. Last week, a woman who was attacked at party at Stanford University released the letter that she read in court addressing not only her attacker, but an entire system that decided his life and hopes of becoming and Olympic swimmer were more important than a crime that 12 people of his peers agreed that he no doubt committed.

Using euphemism or lessening the shock of the word rape helps only rapists. We are lessening the stigma for them. Because I am sure that victims of rape won’t feel any better about their experience no matter what term is used. They don’t get a lighter sentence or understanding courtroom. They get re-attacked on a very personal level simply for reporting a crime and testifying in court about that crime.

What would the world be like if every time a man was the victim of a crime, he was asked these types of questions:

Because these are all real questions asked of this woman as an obvious and incredibly sleazy way to make her appear, not only unsavory, but also somehow at fault. They may not say “well, you wore a short skirt so you deserved it” anymore. But they still assault your character in every way from intrusive questions about your sex life to varying degrees of intoxication regret, as if being drunk is the same as a short skirt. You kinda deserved it — you probably drink a lot. Imagine if we treated every victim of a crime this way.

You were mugged, well, why do you go around just carrying money on you. You should know that’s not safe.

For every “molestation” or “sexual assault,” we need to be calling it exactly what it is — child rape and rape, respectively. The victims can’t sugar coat any part of their experience. Why the fuck should we make the rapists feel better about their deeds? Its insane, embarrassing, and points to everything that is wrong with our culture. There is no such thing as “nonconsensual sex.” It’s rape. call it rape. What? Upset because the word ain’t pretty? Too fucking bad. The act ain’t pretty. It is a violation of the highest order and any “playing down” defense attorneys do for their rapist clients, should not be the same tack taken in greater society.

As she claimed at the end of her letter, (after the only thing her attacker admitted to was drinking), she reminded every woman that she is with them.

Let’s remind her that we are with her too.