I’m not a hiker, but here I am, on Big Sycamore Canyon Trail, with my arms open wide, knees bent and holding hands with people I have never met before today. I’ve somehow managed to convince strangers that a 5 1/2 ft. drop for a trust fall is completely safe. As I guide the group through a bonding exercise I picked up 10 years ago, I remind Kate to cross her arms.
“…okay now give us the go whenever you’re ready.”
Kate gets real stiff and says, “Ready to fall.”
The group, equally nervous, replies, “Ready to catch.”
As Kate begins to fall something goes of in my brain. Not that I am afraid of failing in this trust exercise, but looking at how present I was. How did I end up in Los Angeles? Having nature walks? Actually living my first winter outside of New York City?
In 2014, I started a social experiment to develop new habits and a healthy network of peers/professionals to force a positive impact on my life. On December 30, 2015, it was over and I was left with new insights, opportunities and fresh faces to hold me accountable. Last January, like Kate, I took a deep breath and said, “Ready to fall,” but not to friends — to myself.
I wanted the security of knowing that if I couldn’t trust myself I could, at least, trust those who believed in my abilities. I started a new job in late January 2016, with new salary rate, new access, and realized very quickly that my fears never left. When reality set in it was clear that I always trusted myself but not in my ability to properly fail/fall. More specifically “fail forward” while learning. I needed to test if I could afford the failure and risk of falling. I knew I had to leave the job/comfort/money/people behind.
Preparing to Fail Forward
- I began to manage expectations of both success and failure.
- I became more vocal about my creative process.
- I had very difficult conversations with friends and family.
- I slowed down — I allowed myself the time to reflect and not react.
- I shortened my learning curve. Executing tasks once I learned them.
- Minimalism. I gave up 75% of my worldly possessions.
- I set multiple /smaller challenges for myself to test my ideas/intuition.
- Accepted rejection as God’s protection.
- I sought out an additional mentor for my next goal.
- I invited more diverse collaboration.
All these thing helped me fall forward by saying “ready to catch”.
The Catch
When Kate finally fell the collective sigh of relief I anticipated never came. Instead it was awe, happiness and surprise that it wasn’t as difficult as imagined. Deep down, we all want/know that the trust fall will work. However, a clear verbal contract that everyone agreed to created hope. The catch is consent and not the actual catch itself.
What caught me was working on a show (while working my new job) that reminded me how much I love being a creative collaborator. Winning an advertising contest that encouraged me to move to 3000+ miles to San Fransisco to work at BSSP. I had only created a portfolio that summer and knew I would be odd man out somehow. I embraced that uncertainty again and moved to Los Angeles after being accepted into an artist residency at 72andSunny.
It’s black history month, and I believe this is history in the making for me. Many people of color know that they have to be twice as good to get ahead. I now have permission to ask, “Am I,” “Are these the right metrics?” and, “How quickly can I use the lesson I learned from this fall?.” This year is a daily trust fall into my new comfort zone: uncertainty. Miles away, missing close family and friends, and the craziest six months in recent American history. I have to find my place in it. We all do. It’s how we check our ourselves and each other on our actual growth, privilege and perceived realities. So if we must fall, it’s only forward.
Ready to fall? (note: if it’s not a, “Hell yes”, it’s a NO.)
*writes with maximum effort and enthusiasm* READY TO CATCH!
