№42 — BBQ Class
If you want to learn more about the intricacies of Churrasco, you have to travel to a far-away land across the big water, also known to the locals as “El Floridsdorf”. If you can make this arduous trip, you have mastered the first challenge of becoming a true master of South American cuisine. Chris and I embarked on a trip that changed us.
We managed to overcome all difficulties as we traveled on an ancient and dangerous rail systems which locals only refer to as “U6”. Unfortunately, we do not speak the language of the locals but we can only assume this was a stern warning of the smells we encountered on the way. Eventually we reached our destination, a sacred place known as “Grillershop.at” as the inscriptions on the door told us.
One does not simply become a master of Churrasco. Our teacher, a wise man from Lower Austria, tasked us with a very important assignment. “Thou must take this piece of meat, cut it twice, salt it thrice and then thrust the spear right through its flesh” he whispered to us. “It shall be done”, we answered, as we threw the spears of meat on a bowl of glowing coals.
As we slowly turned the meat, the meaning of Churrasco slowly became clear to us. “Picanha”, the crowd shouted, “Picanha!” We took the god’s sacrifice and brought it back inside to feast on it as a group. “Patience is the key”, our master said, “so do this until it is no more” and off he sent us, back to the undying fires of the place called “parking lot between a pet store and a Penny supermarket”. I was reminded of a local tradition in my hometown, known as Kebap stand.
While taking care of the sacrifice and pleasing the crowd inside of the temple, we also made contact with the indigenous peoples who complimented us on our skills for being two gringos from a land far away.
While we were slaving away in the heat, the others were preparing the rest of the feast. Their tasks weren’t as noble as ours, yet they did it with a great amount of skill. The other apprentices at the temple prepared a maize-dish to hope for a good harvest, they worshiped the water gods by sacrificing a fish and placing it together with vegetables on small spears and lastly, they also sacrificed another cow to be cut up and slowly prepared over an invisible fire.
As we all came together and feasted with our master to celebrate our apprenticeship, he presented us with the highest of honors — one sip of the god’s juice. 56 herbs flushed our body with new energy. Together with a local drink made out of fermented hops and malt, we felt strong enough to return from these sacred lands.
As I made it home well and alive, I can only recommend every open person to embark on such a trip. However, please note that using your handheld device to communicate with the priests of the temple, you will only suffer at the hands of a JQuery developer.
