Finding Time for What You Want
Are the people/things/goals you care about most getting left behind in the mad shuffle of life?
You’ve worked to choose your focus. Now…how to make time for it? How do we set aside the energy and wherewithal for the life we really want?
Have you read Stephen Covey’s long-loved book, First Things First? In it he writes about “urgency addiction” — when reacting to immediate matters becomes the driving force in our lives.*
You know how it goes. We get involved in “putting out fires” and suddenly another week has passed without any real effort spent on what’s most important to us: family, true friends, maintaining our health, planning for the future.
Are the people/things/goals you care about most getting left behind in the mad shuffle of life?
This brings to mind an important meeting wherein some healthcare decisions would be made for a beloved family member. It required and deserved my full attention, plus there were vital details to absorb that were a little over my head.
Before, during and after that meeting, here’s what else happened:
- Remembered that I forgot to let the dog out. No time to turn around. Felt stupid.
- Drywall repairman arrived at the house ahead of schedule, couldn’t get in so he called. Told him how to get in. Worried about that.
- Repairman texted, concerned that insane barking dog inside might bite. Told him it would be ok, but worried about this too.
- Perky receptionist reminded me that I forgot to pre-fill out the 8 (eight!) forms necessary pre-important appointment. Felt dumb for this oversight, gritted teeth, tried to recall entire family’s medical history. (What was my dad’s birth weight?)
- Meanwhile, youngest child recites the human oddities section of the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records he’d purchased at the book fair. These revelations seem very important to him. Other waiting room guests appear annoyed.
- Post-appointment, beautiful, young office assistant completely forgets we’re waiting for paperwork/ permission to leave. Sit for a half-life, trying not to burn in resentment.
- Hateful, hateful Dallas traffic conspires against me and I hate it right back.
- ***EVERYONE IS STARVING RIGHT NOW***
- Arrive back home to find disgruntled/harried dog and repairman (yes, both of them) and begin to explain, while. . .
- . . .older son mutters something unintelligible and disappears on bike without cell phone or any hint of his intended destination.
- Kind, patient parents call and text while waiting in crowded restaurant — “Where are you? What do you mean you can’t find one of your children? We’re STARVING!”
You’ve been there. Surely. Everything seems supremely important all at once and in equal measure. It’s all big, all now. We get so wrapped up in what we’re doing that we don’t even ask if we need to be doing it.
What matters most? How do we decide?
Mr. Covey observes that we spend time in one of four ways:
1. Important/Urgent — Events such as my doctor meeting, helping an injured child or handling an irate business client, these are deadline-driven projects, genuine crises and pressing problems that can’t and shouldn’t be set aside.
2. Important/Not Urgent — Here’s where we prepare, anticipate and prevent problems (like looking at a calendar and rescheduling the drywall?), increase our skills, build relationships and truly re-create. This section adds order, richness and meaning to life, but often misses out on the focused attention that we give to a juicy drama.
3. Not Important/Urgent — Danger! This is where the noise of urgency creates the illusion of importance. We get goosed by interruptions, some phone calls and unexpected drop-in visitors, which appear really important right that very minute. Often we’re here trying to meet other people’s priorities and expectations. (Or the dog’s.)
4. Not Important/Not Urgent — Cotton candy for your brain, this includes busywork, scanning through spam emails, “escape” time wasters like mindless TV or getting lost in YouTube videos — what is it for you?
Where do you spend the majority of your time? How do we invest more of it in our deeper priorities? It means asking “Why am I really doing this?” more often, and releasing some of the junk we hold on to just because it keeps the peace, numbs our boredom, or makes us feel busy and important.
You Are Wondering
What was the fallout from my disastrous day? Despite all the chaos, the medical meeting was a success; I listened carefully, asked the big, scary questions, and got the info we needed to choose our next steps with confidence.
Once home, everyone got fed, the dog forgave the insult, and my youngest and I enjoyed some important/not-urgent richness and meaning, giggling over those human oddities, just the two of us.
Back To You
This week, what of your activities fall into these categories?
1. Important/Urgent _____________________________________
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2. Important/Not Urgent __________________________________
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3. Not Important/Urgent __________________________________
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4. Not Important/Not Urgent _______________________________
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How will you spend more time in your Important sectors?
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What can you release?
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*Note that Mr. Covey wrote his book in 1994, way before texting, DMs or Wordle. What did he know about urgent?!
Next time: Identify Your Lies
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Available for freelance writing at pennyrackley@mac.com.
