To all the single ladies (and gentlemen)
Now put your hands up!
It’s only 10 days before the dreaded Valentine’s day for a lot of single people out there. The day where people brag, flaunt, post selfies of themselves and their loved ones with overly corny status updates that nobody wants to see. It’s the day where single people disappear into nothingness, as if they don’t exist.
But the more I dive into the dating scene, the more I feel discouraged and unsatisfied. I’m not saying that there are no good people out there, but every good person I come across has issues — low self-esteem, insecure, chauvinistic, codependent, lack confidence, superficial, shallow. Nobody is perfect, I know. But where do you draw the line? Do you give a drug addict or alcoholic another chance because they are not “bad people”? Do you let yourself continue to engage with a “narcissistic jerk” or a “pathological liar” because you should accept them for who they are?
I didn’t think so.
When I hear about my friends’ problems, it’s even more discouraging. People who are caught up in unhappy marriages because of the kids, people who are under constant pressure because they are stuck with taking care of a pregnant partner, people who stay in codependent relationships because they don’t want to change the status quo — it’s easy, convenient, and it’s not that bad all the time.
Why, then, do we want to be with someone so bad, even though there is no guarantee that it would be good? Do secure, confident, grounded people even exist? Why are so many books and relationship experts telling us that we should look for those people to have a relationship with and run away from “broken souls”? As if secure grounded people get rained down from the sky once in a while when “god” decides that the world has too many jerks.
I don’t have an answer to any of those questions. All I know is, we are all broken in our own different, f*cked up ways. Maybe there really are completely well-adjusted people, but I don’t think there is that many of them, and they’re probably married anyway, or are gay. Some people might have had difficult childhoods, some people have been traumatised by their previous relationships, some people might have never felt loved so they don’t know how to love. This is life, and it’s not perfect. Even if you’re the richest and most powerful person in the world, you can’t sail through life without any setbacks.
Maybe it’s not that bad to be with a broken person, after all. Maybe two broken souls can heal each other in some bizarre ways. And I’m only talking about people who are not completely messed up in their heads, there is a difference between total nutjobs and people who are just a bit insecure or not very confident or have codependent tendencies.
We are all broken in our own different, f*cked up ways.
We all have this fear of ageing and dying alone, I actually dreamt about it and it was quite horrifying. I was alone and lost and had no one to turn to. I feel sad just thinking about it. But at the same time, I don’t want to settle out of this profound fear of being alone. Is it so bad to have no strings attached? I’ve got nothing to worry about, no kids, no mortgages, no ties. I can do whatever I want at any time whenever money and time allow. I am not obligated to anyone, or anything. I can go on dates when I want to, I can flirt with anyone if I want to, and I can be alone when I want to. I am free.
So, to all the single people out there: Celebrate! Instead of drowning in your sorrows of not having anyone next to you, celebrate freedom. Maybe you will find someone in the end, maybe you won’t, but it is not entirely up to you. So just chill, and remember the freedom you have at this point in your life, because one day you just might miss it.
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If you’ve read this far, it’s probably safe to assume that you enjoyed reading this post, show me some love by giving me a heart! :)
