What Aziz Ansari taught me about FOMO
How FOMO is causing a plague of commitment phobia
So yes, ok I’ll admit, I’m totally fangirling over Aziz Ansari these days after watching Master of None and a couple of his standups. But I think I came to an important realisation from his shows and his interviews about one thing — the reason why everyone is commitment phobic these days is a four-letter word: FOMO (fear of missing out).
And I am not JUST talking about relationships. Even simple things like where to go to on a Friday night, we don’t want to commit to the first person who asked us, because who knows? Something better might come along. We are in a world full of options, once you say yes to this party, technically you can’t say yes to another (possibly more fun) party. So we are either lukewarm about things (sure, maybe, I’ll let you know later), or we become the yes-man, saying yes to everything and flaking out last minute.
I changed from the yes-man, to the lukewarm woman, to sometimes the no-woman even. I made that change because I want to be more responsible for my time, I want to be sure that once I decide to do something I don’t get FOMO for giving up the other options. I want to stick to my own decisions and take responsibility, even if they stink.
Things get slightly more complicated in relationships. Because there is a lot more at stake, if you are looking for something long-term, that is. Instead of one night of your time, you’re going to be investing a lot more in a relationship. More time, more money, and exclusivity. In a traditional relationship, once you have chosen to be with one person, you have closed the doors to all other options. How do you know that you have chosen the right person? What if a better option comes along? Will you be sitting there pulling your hair out and biting your nails about it?
We live in a world of fear.
We are jaded by the (seemingly) unlimited options we have. If something doesn’t work out, find another guy, there’s one with the swipe of a finger. Keep looking, don’t settle, that’s what we believe in. Easy come, easy go. But before long, we become decision paralysed.
How do you know you will still want to be with that same person you decide to be with now 5 years down the road? 10 years? 20 years? We scare ourselves with questions like this. But no, we don’t know. And we never will. There are people who will say that they are ABSOLUTELY 100% SWEAR-TO-GOD SURE that the person they chose is the one they want, I have been there, but really? Nobody can see into the future, so they can’t possibly know that things WILL work out.
It is always going to be a bet when it comes to relationships. But how do you even know that you’re making the best bet? Well, you don’t. You just have to try and make the best educated guess, take your chances, and hope for the best.
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