The Seven Types of Blokes at Every Music Festival
We all love music festivals. The music, the outfits and just simply the outrageousness of it all. But mainly, the coming together of so many different types of people from all walks of life plays a big part in what we love about them.
Since this Covid-19 business has postponed our festivals for now, we thought it’d be a cracker of a time to reflect and point out, the seven types of blokes that you see at every music festival.
1. The “I’ve hit the gym for months in preparation for this one” bloke
Four months on a diet, hitting the gym twice a day every day, and heaps of bloody protein shakes. This is the life of a man looking into the future, realising he has a festival in a few months time, and oh boy does he need to get shredded so he can take his shirt off in the mosh pit.
“Nah bro its way too hot in here”, the words no bloke either side of this guy wants to hear, as the man himself goes to take his shirt off. This technique can be effective though as many a bloke moves further away, and he gets some rare breathing room in the mosh. This bloke is playing chess whilst we’re all playing checkers.
2. The ‘becomes your best mate and adds you on snapchat’ bloke
I’m sure most of us have met this bloke before. You ever be in a mosh pit with your mates and you look to your right, there he is, your best mate for the rest of this live set.
You mosh with this complete random like you’ve been best mates since primary school. You add each other on snapchat and all the socials and go to the next set. You’ll never see that cobba again in your life, but you blokes were best mates for that hour-long set and that’s all that matters.
And now months, maybe even years on, you still see each others snap stories and wonder, “who the fuck even is this guy?”
3. The “I’m wearing my favourite artist’s merch” bloke
Whether they’ve got a Golf shirt on for Tyler, The Creator or just an Aussie Band like Spacey Jane’s merch on, this bloke is always hanging about at festivals. These blokes usually call their favourite artist by their actual first name as if they are good mates.
If they refer to Tame Impala as “Kevin”, yep I think you’ve found your guy. “Oh my god I’m way too keen to see Kevin perform later”, they usually use the first name to flex the fact that they probably know more about music than you.
If you are in this person’s favourite artist’s mosh pit and you get a word wrong when singing along, you’ll be getting staunched for the rest of the set.
4. The mosh pit junkie bloke
This guy. The mosh pit junkie is a rare breed of bloke. Probably the bloke on the list with the biggest nuts. It could be a live acoustic set with someone like Keith Urban, and this guy would still be in there yelling at everybody to “open the fucking pit”.
With more lively acts such as Skepta or even King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard’s sets, then this guy is the bloke you want in the pit, enforcing everything. But sometimes this bloke fails to read the scene and is trying to break people’s bones in an Angus and Julia Stone mosh.
5. The bloke who knows nothing about music but lives for the sesh
Oh, this bloke, every one of us have a friend like this bloke. This guy just comes along for the ride, and isn’t too bothered about the artists at all, which can trigger many of us “music heads”.
He’s usually off his face and definitely the most drunk of us all. Usually asking questions such as; “which songs do these guys sing again?” and “how do you know all of these bands?”.
Festivals wouldn’t be the same without seeing these guys just get absolutely blind and rowdy to songs that they don’t even know in the mosh pit.
6. The stripy shirt bloke
Probably the most commonly seen bloke on the list. The striped shirt is everywhere you look at a festival, genuinely every man and their dog owns/ wears one. And oh boy do they wear it at music festivals.
These blokes usually come in packs of five or six, all wearing a different colour-way but the exact same pattern of striped shirt, and usually all genuinely have the exact same personality. These blokes are sometimes referred to as “a chad” by the public. And it’s a nickname they wear with pride.
7. The “I’m just here cause my misso wanted me to come” bloke
Everyone knows at least one of these blokes. People he knows will come up to him at the festival and say, “I didn’t know this was your sort of vibe mate”. He’ll be quick to reassure them that it isn’t his vibe with the old, “nah mate, I’m only here because the misso made me haha”.
These blokes are always spotted having a better time than their misso in the mosh pit later on though and are quickly transformed into festival heads onwards.
All in all though, we love every single type of person who gets around our beautiful Aussie music festival scene, because without a diverse range of people, the festivals would not be anywhere near as fun.
Times may be very weird and cruel right now, stay home, stay clean and give it a hopeful few months and I’m sure we will be back to partying with all sorts of characters at festivals again.
