WHEN IN MANCHESTER
Who am I to take a stand and say something?
I have been feeling really pissed off lately. Frustrated. Furious. The kind that I thought would recede if I took a nap or went for a run. Nope, the same gut-wrenching, heart-burning vehement was still there when I woke up. I’ve been feeling the same for weeks.
But I doubt myself for my opinions and my anger.
I take to Twitter a lot. Mostly because I am bored here and I have no one else to talk to, so might as well comment on things online or share my random thoughts to people that might not even read them anyway. There, there is always fresh news, fresh gossip, fresh jokes of odd humor, fresh horror stories. I get to know what people are up to, what people’s thoughts are on what’s happening back home. In the end Twitter, like other online social media platforms, is where you can be opinionated, be heard, and also engage with others, right?
I do think I have been lucky.
Being lucky meaning I grew up being sufficiently shielded from many harsh things in life (though I wouldn’t say it has been easy, I wouldn’t say that for myself nor anyone for that matter) and blessed by so many opportunities for self-development.
Somehow they had school testings to get into favourite high schools. Somehow they had report-based university entrances. Somehow I was given the opportunity to get a splash of academia work even before graduating. And less than two years later, I somehow ended up studying a masters degree abroad on something I am very passionate about with a fully-funded scholarship.
My intention is not to brag. I want to do good for other people. I want to do my part for my home town and my country. I know that by studying development here that that’ll equip me with what I need to know to lift people to live better lives back home.
But I knew nothing of helping people.
I was so angry after studying four years of Urban and Regional Planning to end up not knowing anything about it in real life. It is no secret that a lot of people in Indonesia are struggling in their own ways and planners and policy makers are trying to address that. So why are people still struggling? Of course other interests would always come in the way and it always ended up winning over technocratic efficiencies. As if development and lives of people were a game or a competition.
That’s why I wanted to take up politics. I wanted to learn the game.
The pandemic has really changed everything. From Twitter I know the pandemic has been hard on everyone and I can’t imagine having to be a leader in this unprecedented and overwhelming time. The actions the government of Indonesia has taken to relieve the burden of the pandemic is questionable but they’re doing what they can.
I am conflicted to say something about what is going on back home.
A part of me wants to say something. I feel like what I have learnt here on the politics of development can help me make grounded opinions that can help people or at least provide a different perspective. The council here has taken good steps to ensure people are safe during the pandemic, like new rules on waste management and precautions for when taking care of those who have sadly passed. I feel like some of the good things I encounter here can also make peoples lives a bit better back home. Not all policies here have been good, but we can work on them.
I feel like its not right to take in information right off the bat as so many people back home do. People on Twitter get angry because of click-bait headlines. Agreed, not all relief actions have been good. But with the knowledge I gain here I know there is always another narrative behind shady policies. There’s a logic behind the policies that we can still work on. I have ideas. I’m positive that we can all do something to make this overwhelming time a bit better. I feel I need to say something, add on something to the delicate balance of information in society. Why can’t the so called Perhimpunan Pelajar Indonesia do something with what we know, either collectively or individually? Perhaps it is boredom, perhaps it is a good distraction, perhaps I’m just down-right angry all the time. I don’t know.
But another part of me tells me to shut up and be good for all the good things that have happened to me. That I don’t have the right or capacity to say people should stop bringing down the government and start caring for one another through this pandemic because I am not experiencing what the government is doing first hand. That I don’t have the right or capacity to comment on how much debt Indonesia will be diving into or how people in government have multiple conflicting interests that are seemingly unaligned with the good of the public.
Because I know nothing and have never known anything about the politics of development back home. Because I’ve never worked in government, only assisted them through short-term projects. Because I’ve never really felt inequality, only researched them. Because I don’t know anything about politics or development, only read them in books and journals. Because I am so distant from the calamity of it all from the very beginning and now seemingly enjoying my time abroad with the scholarship funded by the blood, sweat and tears of tax payers. Because my anger does not mean anything when I’m living in a bubble.
You may think that I am, and have always been, living in a bubble. I question myself that too.
But that bubble is about to burst.
