The Suze Orman Effect
Money has been on my mind.
A little while back the Powerball jackpot was $1.5 billion. Of course I stood in line. This time it will be me, I could feel it in my bones. Plans were made. Charities identified. Real estate earmarked.
But I didn’t win. Not even one number. Not even close.
The real surprise was how surprised I was. I’m not known for winning things — raffles, lucky dips, fairground games, whatever. The one time my number was called out as the winner was at a company year-end do. Naturally, when that was happening, I was busy backstage helping to get the next performance sorted; and tired of waiting, the MC forfeited my ticket and picked another number. It’s that kind of luck.
So, yes, my optimism was blind, delusional even. Yet there I was, surprised, crestfallen and in despair.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for what I have — healthcare, roof over my head, food on the table, heat in the house, entertainment on TV, Netflix subscription — life could be worse.
Perhaps the disappointment stemmed from not having had my own money for the last two decades. When people say that marital assets belong to both the husband and wife, it is theoretical and legal. In reality, the person who is paid the salary usually has the final (and only) say. An occasional crumb of appeasement may be thrown one’s way in order to maintain the facade of equality, but it isn’t. If one feels compelled to justify everything one buys, or lets the wage-earner be the final arbiter, then one has no freedom, and no dignity.
My mother came of age in the late 50s, early 60s. Born into the kind of abusive hardship that makes Oliver Twist look like a spoiled, indulged child, she understood that while money wasn’t the answer to everything, no answer was relevant if you did not have financial security and independence. When she realised her only daughter was gleefully abandoning her career to become a trailing spouse, it was from genuine horror that she suggested I opened my own a bank account and start to pay myself a monthly stipend from Husband’s salary for being his house-bound wife. She added, “He doesn’t have to know.”
She’s cool like that.
Naturally, not being similarly cool like that, I expressed my outrage at the notion and dismissed it, as idealistic daughters dismiss their wise mothers, only to regret it later, of course.
It is a truism that housework and raising children are undervalued economic activities. It really doesn’t matter how successful Hallmark has been in getting us to buy cards, flowers and other trinket-y gifts for mom on Mother’s Day; ask a husband to pay the mother of his children an actual salary for the work she does, he’d be outraged. Even outside a familial relationship, childcare and cleaning work - while they may seem expensive to buyers of the service - pays very little to the provider of the service. These are minimum wage jobs. We pay the minimum compelled by law to those who clean our homes and look after our children. And as the law does not compel us to pay the wife and mother (or the stay-at-home husband/father as the case may be) we expect these labour free of charge and motivate through verbal praise and annual gestures of appreciation.
The recent shock in China over an unusual court ruling that required a husband to pay his ex-wife USD$7,700 for 5-years worth of housework should really be met with surprise at how low the amount was. That works out to $4.23 per day, or $0.18/hr (calculated on 24 hours) or $0.53/hour (calculated on an 8-hour day), give or take a few cents. Don’t forget she would have had to have sex with the man, even on days she may prefer to be watching Netflix unmolested. Should this be factored in as ‘services rendered’, and such days as ‘above and beyond the call of love or duty’ and be paid a bonus?
I can hear the chorus of voices saying “but you get half in a divorce!” Sure, in some nations that may be true, but the point is it requires a divorce for the stay-at-home spouse to see any semblance of fair compensation. Is it any wonder some psychotic husbands prefer to kill their wives than divorce them? The power and sense of self-worth that comes with having your own money shouldn’t be coyly understated. Studies have shown that ‘financial reasons’ consistently rank in the top 10 reasons why women continue to stay in abusive marriages.
It was from this abyss that a couple of nights ago, staying up well past bedtime, and mindlessly flipping channels, Suze Orman entered my life. Now, I’m no stranger to Suze, having been first introduced to her on Oprah, and then seeing her books in the self-help aisle. But this was the first time I had watched through her entire programme. At the end of the show, I found myself making that $252 donation to PBS and am eagerly awaiting my gift of the Suze Orman Financial Solutions Combo Pack.
Before you mock me, let me just reassure you that Husband has already done it on your behalf. When I told him I was so inspired and empowered by the show I’d purchased the combo pack, with what could be only described as contempt, he asked what I spent on it. That immediately made me feel like a foolish child or an elderly person who had been duped by an unscrupulous insurance salesman. Of course I tried to defend my position with “It would have cost more to buy it at the shops”, “This was really a donation to PBS which is a good cause”, “I’ll pay you back!” (but how?) and so on.
But I’ve made a decision. I won’t be chided. Although my investment in my marriage cannot be measured out in dollars and cents, it must be quantified and qualified through the sacrifices made that helped us be where we are now, and have what we now have. I am reminded of something a friend once said on this topic, that “He gets to do all that he does because you do all that you do.” The logical next step was for me to take care of my financial future. Because Suze kept reminding me, (and I paraphrase) no-one is going to take care of you, except you. Truer words have never been spoken.
So I’ve abandoned the “how to spend my lottery winnings” plan, and am embarked on the “I’m taking control of my life” plan. It starts with two concurrent first steps: finding work that measures achievements in dollars and cents, and working through the Suze Orman plan.
Wish me luck.
