I Need Men In My Life; How Men Have An Important Role To Play in Feminism
I work in retail so, naturally, I’m used to dealing with various types of customers: friendly customers, bargain-hunting customers and even rude customers. However, last week I experienced something quite different from the usual “angry customer”.
As I was working in the mens department at my job, I saw two male customers by the suit section. As usual, I approached them and asked if they needed help finding anything. One of the two asked for help in finding the price of a pair of pants he held. I obliged and scanned the pants for the price. Immediately after, the other man said, “You see? Once you find help you’ve got to hold them tight and never let go!” He then proceeded to grab my arm and pull me very close to him.
You cannot possibly imagine how uncomfortable I felt.
To be completely honest, I didn’t know how to approach the situation. I could’ve walked away, yet instead I chose to stay and continue to help both of them. As the night progressed, I thought more and more about the incident, not being able to completely comprehend what had happened. In my mind, I believe that he did not mean any harm in doing what he did. Perhaps it was his way of trying to be humorous. But at the same time, I cannot deny the fact that he crossed a personal and physical boundary. You can’t just go up to someone and pull them close. You just can’t.
Now, here’s the most interesting bit about my experience: when I told my friends and co-workers about what had happened, many of them (both men and women) could relate. Many females have had situations where male customers would make inappropriate comments to them or try to flirt with them. In one extreme case, a customer had taken a picture of a co-worker without her consent. In another case, a (male) friend had been in a situation where an older woman made inappropriate comments about him while he was at work. He described how the woman had gotten uncomfortably close to him and had tried to get a hug from him.
Now, all of my female co-workers and friends reported such incidents to their respective managers afterwards. On the other hand, my male friend did not report the incident.
Harassment in the workplace
Among the most common types of harassment in the workplace is sexual harassment. In a survey published by Cosmopolitan Magazine in 2015, the results found that roughly 1 in 3 women had been sexually harassed at work. The study surveyed 2,235 fulltime and part-time female employees.
In doing more research, I came across various articles which contained stories of sexual harassment in the workplace. For example, this article by the Huffington Post shared 21 stories of employees who has suffered harassment or sexual harassment in the workplace. Asides from the anonymous submissions, all of the stories included in the Huffington article were from women.
Digging deeper, I managed to find an article on Wired.com which detailed experiences both men and women have had with sexual harassment in the workplace. So far, it’s one of the few articles I have managed to find in which men’s accounts have been included.
I now find myself questioning why females are often portrayed by media outlets as the only victims of sexual harassment, when clearly this is not the case. In fact, a 2015 ABC News survey found that 1 in 10 men had experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. The number, compared to that of women, is smaller but significant nonetheless.
Now the question remains: how do we change this? How do we bring awareness to topics such as harassment without completely excluding men? How do be break the stigma of women being the -only- victims of harassment?
Well, this is where feminism should step in.
Feminism: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
Merriam-Webster defines feminism as “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes”. Yet, many people (including men) often believe in misconceptions regarding feminism.
In bell hooks’ essay titled “Men: Comrades In Struggle”, she brings up these misconceptions which often stem from certain types of feminist movements, like radical, white feminism. hooks goes on to call out women’s liberation movements for their failure in trying to be inclusive of men in their respective movements. As a result, feminism has often been referred to as a “women’s only” movement. Even more so, you have misconceptions of feminism such as the idea that “all men hate women” and that “all men are the enemy”. These misconceptions are not only damaging to feminism but to men as well because it impedes progress and understanding.
In order to change this, we must start by educating ourselves. I, as a feminist, fully accept that I live in a patriarchal society which is dominated by white men. I also accept that men are the main perpetrators of oppression towards us women. However, I also understand that men are not my enemy. I understand that not all men are the same. I understand that men often suffer from the same problems plaguing our society, such as harassment, limited education opportunities, and sexual assault.
In order for feminism to advance, we must be inclusive of men.
Now, this cannot be a one-sided battle. Men have their part to play as well. In her essay, hooks writes that “all men support and perpetuate sexism and sexist oppression in one form or another”. Whether it be through men’s passiveness or ignorance, this is true. As I mentioned above, we cannot ignore the fact that men are our primary oppressors. But, this should not hinder feminists or men in this struggle. In the case of sexual harassment in the workplace, men should begin by changing the corporate atmosphere in regards to reports about sexual harassment. Instead of turning a blind eye, perhaps men should actively work in order to prosecute those who harass, thus creating a safe space for victims of harassment, both men and women alike.
In order to achieve significant change, I need men in my life. I need men in my life to act not as fathers, brothers, or boyfriends to me, but to act as my equal. I need men in my life to remind me why I am a feminist. I need men in my life to remind me that I am not alone in my oppression. I need men in my life to share their stories of oppression. I need men in my life to educate other men. I need men in my life to stand up WITH me, not for me. I need men in my life to speak WITH me, not for me. And this should not just apply to myself.
Feminists, we all need men in our lives.
