Redefining Cool
When I was growing up, cool was the thing to be. From Shahrukh khan in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai epitomising the word to it trickling down to the day to day vocabulary, cool is what we all strived to be. And what defined cool for a teenage girl or maybe just in my circle was the ability to be able to scoff at the girly girls, the pink wearing, nail paint discussing, Ekta Kapoor watching girls. I was the opposite of everything they were, in fact I strove to be opposite of anything that defined ‘girl’ or ‘feminine’. I was the all black wearing, no nonsense nerd. I was the not to be messed with girl, I was the try and reach me girl, I was the guys’ buddy and the girls’ enemy girl.
And guess what, I was cool.
Or so I thought. High school has been one of the toughest time in my life. In the attempt to ward off any feminine stereotypes, I was walking unknowingly into another one. And in trying to belong to the boys and repel the girls, I really did not belong anywhere. As a teenager, where belongingness is imperative, I was flapping my arms, flailing them around trying to find a place to be, unknowingly creating my own abyss. I did not belong and it was my own fault.
When I walked inside NIFT, a fashion college, I was upto the same games. I was so used to discounting women because I had let the stereotypes get to me, I literally hid when someone tried to approach me. I was okay being alone, I had all my systems in place in how to make sure girls stay away from me. I was a snob to be honest, I hated girls, I was a nerd who looked down upon others and I feared failure. But on the very first day as the school began, there came a gorgeous, happy girl who sat right next to me, and did not stop chatting till I answered back. And kept asking and I kept answering and somewhere along the way, I forgot to close the door to my wall. She had managed to walk in. She brought another girl with her. She was everything I always thought I did not want. But they had both walked in, and refused to leave.
They had absolutely no problems asking me questions I thought were taboo and talking about boys and family and sex, everything I was taught isn’t okay to talk about. They were so full confidence that they had no qualms asking questions, had no problems insisting that I answer and as a result I soon began getting used to answering them. Being honest, talking about anything and everything, letting go, being happy without always keeping a backup possibility of something going wrong. They were the two people who taught me it’s okay to fall, to let go. They will catch me, they, in all their pink crowing glory were strong enough to hold all of that I had locked away.
I walked inside the college a shell of what I am. My heart locked away, my head a mess of pretense. It was these two girly girls, as people called them, who were so full of happy that I couldn’t help but get infected that somehow burst through it all. The journey from an unapproachable snob to the person I am today, began with these two immensely feminine, immensely strong, immensely funny women. Who never once questioned why I was the way I was, who never once asked me to change, but taught me in their own fearless way that strength lies in opening up, in letting go, in falling flat on your faces and admitting defeat, on being able to laugh upon your own failures, learning from your own mistakes.
With their confidence, intelligence, aesthetics and my obnoxious know it all-ness, we made a team no one would dream to defeat. We fit each other like a jigsaw puzzles completing parts we didn’t know we needed. They taught me how to accept people as they are, look past the stereotypes. I have never been the same. I have begun understanding people come in layers. And cool is the one who can open them all up, and still stand tall.
