Am I good enough for you?

Am I good enough for you? On my Dad’s side of the family the idea of being a good young lady has always been imposed. All the women in my family have always been told that a woman has to be a virgin in order to get married in white. Then there was the whole idea of having kids and being a good wife. Which made me feel pressured while growing up thinking that any little mistake I made could affect my image and my family would feel disappointed of me. I felt that if I wasn’t conservative like my family wanted me to be then I wouldn’t be good enough. What I did not fully understand is that whether or not I was a virgin that should not mean that I was not a good woman.

But what if I did not want any of that? What if I’m not a virgin when I get married? Will I not be good enough in my families eyes? Why can’t I just do whatever I want without my life without feeling guilty? My Mom always tells me that my happiness should not depend on what others think about me. But sometimes when criticism comes form your own family it is very hard to overlook it. Not that long ago my Dad mentioned that my grandfather asked him when one of my sisters or I would get married already and have children like our cousins. Honestly when he told me that I felt that because we weren’t married and have children we were not good enough. I thought “what about my career? Don’t you care about that?” I was hurt, and thought that all the time I have been in school have not mattered to them. Why can’t my family understand that I want a career before getting married and starting a family? Why is it so important to be married and have kids? I honestly could not understand this. But I knew that I could not let anyone put me down and make me feel like I wasn’t good enough even if it was my own family.

I know that sometimes older generations have old school ideas but I don’t go through that same situation with my Mom’s side of the family. And I always thought that family was there to support you every step of the way no matter what. It’s actually the opposite, when my grandma was alive she would always tell me to keep going to school and get a degree so that I would not have to depend on any man. I felt that I had their entire support and that they are proud of me. Which has helped me to stop feeling pressured and guilty of my descisions because I am good enough even if it doesn’t fall into their standards and expectations. And I know that this is the same situation for many young women specially women in the same culture as me. The pressure of being a good young lady with good values, can be very harmful for someone that is barely learning to love and know their-selves. I have always thought that making your family proud of yourself was the best thing ever but ones priority should be ones happiness and making yourself proud of the things you’re doing and of who you decide to be in life.

I know that everyday I have to fight against those feelings and thoughts of not being good enough and value myself for who I am. I am good enough. You are good enough. We are good enough.