Dear Mother-In-Law,
April 30, 2016
Dear Mother-In-Law,
Why do you always baby your son? Don’t you understand he is a married to me now? He has a family of his own to worry about. And what you’re doing is actually making my relationship with him weaker. When we first got married I allowed you to come in between us because he was immature and I was really young and didnt know how to control situations. But your son and I have built a family together. And you are coming between us. You make me feel like I’m not good enough for him, when all I have done is help him become the man he is today. With me by his side he now has a good stable job, three amazing kids, and a home.
I have wanted to write you this letter for over sixteen years. From the first few occasions when we met. The days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, and finally the months into years. As time passed my desire to write this letter grew stronger and stronger, but the time I had to sit and place pen to paper grew less and less, as my responsibilities, as a nearly single mother grew. A day never passed where I thought, “today’s the day. Today’s the day I allow my voice, feelings, and concerns to be heard.” But another day passed.
Well, today is that day. It is my day of liberation. Today is my day of freedom from the constant putdowns and looks of distain. But I don’t write this letter to harm you or to even demean you. I write this letter to thank you and because it makes me feel better.
Thank you for making me strong a person. Thank you for making me independent, thank you for making me a loving and caring mother, thank you for helping me understand that I don’t need a man to take care of me, thank you for opening my eyes. Your distrust of me has made me strong. I know I am not perfect and that at a young age I made some decisions that were not perfect, and thank you never letting me forget that! Thank you! Because of your mistrust of me, I learned to trust. I learned to look at life openly and forgivingly. You always treated me as that naïve 16-year old girl, well guess what?! I’m not 16 years old anymore, I’m 30!!!
Thank you for making me realize that your opinion is just that, your opinion. You would tell me often, “Mija, just give him what he wants and he will give you what you need.” At first I followed your advice and I was blessed with three beautiful, wonderful and talented children. But in the end I never got what I wanted or needed, which was love, attention, and care. What I got was the same treatment you were subjected to as a married woman: objectification.
I will never in my life be that subject you want me to be. The submissive kind that caters to a man, simply because of our traditions or culture. Yes, I am Mexican and I will always be Mexican regardless of my beliefs. Just because I choose not to be objectified doesn't make me less of a woman, or less of a wife to your son.
I am an Independent and Educated Mexican-American Woman!
Thank you for being so closed minded that it made me stronger. Your throwback ideologies and principles don’t work. In fact, they are destructive. You think that placating people is the right thing to do. Not only is that wrong, but it’s not healthy. Your constant interference initially was welcomed. In fact, I blame myself because I turned my house over to you. I felt you were truly helping me by cooking and cleaning and taking care of your beloved son. But what I learned was that it was self-serving. It was all about control and power. I fell for it. I fell for it because I am a nice person. But all along you were just in the background working the strings that were attached to me. You were the ultimate puppeteer.
Thank you for being you. Because you are a self-serving calculating person, I am stronger. You have opened my eyes. My relationship with my children is solid. My children are engaged in the world and enjoy everything that the world has to offer. Your kids live in a corner, unhappy and miserable. Thank you for showing me the other side of life because it’s pretty good.
Sixteen years ago you met a little girl. Today I am a woman. A mother of three, a college graduate (in two months), about to embark on the career or careers of my dreams, and I thank you. I thank you because all you wanted me to do was stay home and serve your son. All you wanted me to do was be the good housewife, keeping my mouth shut while he did what ever he wanted. Well this isn’t 1950s Mexico and I’m not you.
I have expressed sixteen years of frustration, annoyance, and disappointment. Not disappointment in myself as I know that this was a blessing because of who I am today and more importantly whom I will still become. I’m disappointed because after all these years you still believe I’m that naïve 16-year old girl who made 16 year old girl mistakes.
My wish is that as you see me move forward in my life, you will in yours.
Sincerely,
I.
