Mama
My Mama (grandma) taught me to be strong, independent, successful, and to never relay on a man for anything in life. In many cultures like mine (Mexican American) we as young girls may be told that a woman has to get married, have kids, and live happily (even if you’re miserable, to others your life is perfect) with the same man for the rest of her life. We may also be told that there is no point in educating our selves since we are just going to end up being stay-at-home mothers. And we are made to believe that we are not capable of doing anything without the help of a man. Well not in my case! Mama, my grandmother, always told my sisters and I to never depend on a man. To work hard to accomplish all the goals we set our minds too. And she always encouraged us to go to school she often said,
“Estudien para que nunca tengan que depender de nadie!”
I know that many grandmothers are not like mine, because I had a friend in high school that talked about her grandmother wanting her to get married after we finished high school. Because she would tell ym friend why wait any longer if eventually it was bound to happen sooner or later. She also would tell her to make sure she found a good potential man, meaning someone that would be able to maintain her because women in our culture don’t work. I wouldn’t know what to do or how I would feel if my grandma or my Mom ever told me that. Was living comfortable more important than a woman’s happiness? How can anyone even suggest to marry for money? And even worse if you weren’t happy becasue of very obvious reasons it is the woman’s fault therefore she has to suck it up and deal with it. How can a culture want any of that for their woman?
I have a lot of cousins that married very young which is why I think my grandma encourgaed the younger ones to take a different path. She would say that she wanted something better for us. She did not want us to suffer like many of them did and still do. There was nothing wrong with getting married but I knew that almost all my cousins that got married young regretted it. Because they did not enjoy their selves before taking on the responsibilities of being a mother and wife. I also saw how for everything my cousisn depended of their husbands. I hated that, I hated the fact that many woman like the ones in my family have to depend on a man for everything! And I didn’t want that. I mena it’s not like I dont’t want ot get married and have children one day but I don’t want to fall into the sterotype of the stay at home wife and mother that has been ingraved into young woman in my culture.
When I read the part in Brownness by Andrea Canaan where shes talks about being in between her family values and her being different I felt like I could really relate it to this. I felt like even though my grandmother did not want us to follow those culture and family customs, many other people in my family did, like my Dad’s family. I felt identified with her because although I knew I did not want to follow those customs, I felt like I was going to be rejected by my family for being different and wanting something totally different. I felt guilty for trying to be myself. But Mama made me realize that I had to do whatever made me happy whether or not anyone liked it because in the end it is my life and my happiness.
