#HeMayNotHitYou
Domestic Violence is an ongoing issue that society wants to focus more about the physical abuse. Women and some men have gone through an abusive relationship, but some don’t believe that the non-abusive relationships are not that important.
There has been more action trying to prevent physical domestic abuse, like restricting orders and jail time. However, there’s not much anyone can do when there’s no physical evidence of abuse. Why? Because it’s considered hearsay, in the eyes of the courts.
I was in an abusive relationship with my daughter’s father for nearly three years. He was a sweet and funny guy when we had worked together; but that changed once we were in a committed relationship. During the beginning of our relationship, he would tell me the do’s and do not’s, in order to not make him mad.
He had two previous relationships that conceive a child from each relationship. Both of those relationship transpired into domestic violence.
I became his third victim and the mother of his third child. Even though, he had told me the extent of his past relationships. The young and naïve little girl, that I once was, believed that he had changed for the better. But that was completely wrong.
Almost on a daily base, I would hear some bullshit like…
No one will ever love you like, I do… If you would have done what I wanted in the first place, then I wouldn’t be so mad… Your attitude is the reason, why I’m acting this way… No one will ever want to be with a woman that has a kid… I can do whatever I want to you, YOU’RE MY WOMAN!
There were times where other people would piss him off and I would blame for it.
Even on the good days, I still walking on egg shells; in order to continue on having a good day. Where ever he wanted to go and the time he wanted to get there was my job. Otherwise, it was a never ending tantrum of hearing how it was my fault. I was too scared. I was afraid that things would get physical if I didn’t obey his every command.
I knew this was not the relationship for me. I knew that I deserve better than that relationship. I could see my daughter’s reaction and I noticed that she could see the difference of me being in the same room with her father and to just her and me being in a room alone. I didn’t want my daughter to see the constant of the emotional, mental, and financial abuse. I didn’t want my daughter to continue this cycle when she got older. I knew that for myself and her that this was not the ideal relationship I had envisioned for the both of us.
The hashtag #HeMayNotHitYou has gone viral since last month. Women, who had been involved in an a domestic violence, are now being vocal about the emotional abuse they have endured in past relationships. Women are finding the courage to show the harsh reality of how troubling and damaging psychological abuse has affected women.
It took a letter I had to write to the Financial Aid Office, in order to be reinstated, to where I had come to realize that my past relationship was domestic violence. After asking about one of the former schools I had attended, I started to have this emotional embarrassment and started to become ashamed. The realization came over me, that I was in a domestic violence relationship.
As women, we all have been through or are going through similar situations. Despite, our differences of race, religion, economic status, and sexual orientation we have some similarities. And as women, it is up to us to empower others to become vocal as well; the more others become vocal about the emotional abuse, the more others can be aware of the red flags early on.
And I feel like, as a former victim, that I should spread the word as much and often as possible. I want to start sharing my story. I want to shed the light for someone that might be going through a similar situation. When I started talking and writing about my past, it became therapeutic. It showed me, the power I have over myself. That I am no longer allowing anyone silence my feelings or emotions anymore. But this not only helps me, this may be something that can help other women, like me. That is currently or formally silenced by someone they love; and feel like they aren’t good enough to be in any other relationship that’s not abusive. It’s important for other women to see that any form of domestic violence is not acceptable. Even if you think, It can’t be abused if he never hit me. It is still abuse.
But darling, you deserve a lot more than what he or she gives.
