Immersion is Required

“You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear” ~Sammy Davis, Jr.

Certain things are absolutes. Take swimming for example, either you’re swimming or you’re not. So if you walk to the side of the ocean or a pool and just put your feet in, people have the right to ask, “When are you coming in?” because they don’t acknowledge you as actually being in the water. Swimming is an immersive experience. It’s very intimate. The water takes over. It’s all in your skin, your pores and your hair.

Immersion is the act of total submergence of one’s body, emotions, energy and time into an activity.

Love and Relationships are just like swimming in that they both require each participant to be completely immersive.

So if you say that you’re in a relationship but you have one foot in and one foot out, then you’re only half committed. Commitment means for better or worse. Moreover, your commitment is only as strong as you are at it’s testing point. If things start to become difficult and you bail out at that point, then you were never committed.

You’re either in a relationship or you’re not.

This isn’t to be confused with compatibility that’s required at the onset of a relationship though. Here we assume you’ve already taken the time to find one whom you’re compatible with and one who loves you. Once those two elements have been satisfied, you’ve done your due diligence and have effectively identified a relationship partner to work with. And if you find that you two work together; now you got to work together.

This is where commitment comes in. Part of this “working together” is understanding that commitment is in a resting state until things in the relationship take a turn for the worse. It’s not until then that your relationship commitment is even tested. It’s just been sitting dormant waiting to jump into action. Think about it. If you join a tightrope class, you’re more likely to trust the process and your instructor if you practice above a safety net. Well commitment is the safety net of a relationship. It catches each partner when things fall off. That’s why you don’t get to change your commitment mid fall.

We underscore commitment as the main element of a love relationship here because love is a totally immersive experience. It’s meant to be messy and completely intimate. Love allows two people to come together, work together and peel away together everything that’s not real to unite as committed relationship partners.

You’re either loving or you’re not.

But just as love is vying for unity in relationship, fear is vying for division too. And in some cases the very thought of immersion will trigger a fearful reaction. So whenever you experience difficulty in committing to a love relationship immersion, remember it’s just fear working in the background vying for your attention. Fear wants to win out against love. Basically the one foot in, one foot out, half-commitment scenarios that play out are all fear-based. It’s your imagination saying, “Wait, I don’t know about this one.” While love is the quiet voice asking you to hold to your commitment.

Fear arises at the testing point of total immersion. And with any immersive experience, shock is usually the initial response. But shock is conquerable. So don’t be scared.

Have you ever just jumped into a pool of water?
If you have, then you’ve probably experienced a jolting journey from one extreme to another; from dry to wet. And then you moved around in the water to shake off that initial shock and to become more comfortable with the experience. However the true beauty of this immersive pool experience, was that you made the commitment. You jumped in!

Similarly, the best way to experience love and relationship, is to jump in. The best way to be in a relationship is to be all the way in the relationship. The best way to love your partner is to jump all the way in and love your partner.

You’re either in a relationship or you’re not.

Anything less than a total immersive commitment and a complete submergence of thoughts, words and actions is not a relationship. And we challenge you to refrain from identifying a half-commited connection, as a relationship.

WhenLoveWorks you understand the best way to love your partner is to be all the way in. ~Cullen & Elitia Mattox

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