A Slow Path to Discovering My Dreams
Lately, a question has been looming around in my head. “What do you want to do with your life?” A seemingly simple question that brought out a lot of emotions within me. Anxiety, fear, doubt, and an overwhelming feeling of not being enough. I was asked this question by a friend of mine and ever since it has been all I can think about. When I’m alone in bed, this question rushes back to haunt me.
I’ve entered a new chapter of my life, my twenties. This chapter, although great, has come with some startling realizations. One of them is that everyone will eventually grow up and move on with life. It’s not that I wasn’t aware of this. It’s more like I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon. I’m only 21, and yet it seems as though everything around me is changing. Friends from high school are now married, working in big fancy companies, or starting a family. Everyone is passing me by, and somehow, for some reason, I’m stuck in the same place. I couldn’t even answer such a simple question.
Realization two; Job positions are apparently everything. I never really realized how much of an emphasis people put on their jobs until recently. It seems like everyone around me defines themselves based on the job that they have. And if you don’t happen to have a job as fulfilling or as high paying as theirs, they overlook you. The funny thing is that they always claim that they don’t by casually mentioning that “it’s okay to be at different places in life.” But hearing this made me feel even more worthless than I already did.
It wasn’t until I read a post from one of my favourite slow living bloggers that I was able to overcome this feeling of not being up to par. The post was about finding a path and choosing a path that’s meant for you. It made me realize that there’s no rush to figure it out. There’s no rush to answer that question. And most importantly, it made me realize that whatever path I choose should not be influenced by the need to fit in. Yes, I don’t know what I want to do. But I do know what matters to me, and I think that’s more important than anything. Comparison is a thief of joy, and I no longer want to be its victim. I am not perfect, nor is my life, but my current reality isn’t so bad. I have great friends who genuinely care about me; Enough to engage in all of my silly hobbies. And a family that is chaotic and crazy but is there for me despite all of my many shortcomings. I am surrounded by love, and that to me matters more than anything. I’m not sure where I’m gonna end up in life, but I’m excited to take things slow and figure out what I want to do in my own time.
