The Art of Getting Your Sh*t Together: Advice to Lost (But Talented) Girls
“You’re just lazy, Monica.” Explains my mother, rather irritatingly. “You always have been, since you were little.”
I bristle internally, sealing my lips shut. Have I been, though? From the day my sisters and I could hold dustpans in our little fingers, my mother seemed to have had an infinite list of household chores and lofty expectations. It would have been normal for anyone to attempt to evade agonisingly boring responsibilities, wouldn’t it? And yet… my sisters seem to have less of a problem overall knocking off their tasks in all areas of life, with hardly an audible grumble.
The annoying truth to confront is that I have, indeed, traditionally had a pattern of deep avoidance to most necessary tasks, along with scatterbrained tendencies where it comes to defining and prioritising responsibilities, a history of late assignment submissions, lack of general organization and deep internal resistance to most tasks. It seems the practice of adulting came late to me, leaving me feeling adrift, yet simultaneously mired in stagnation, overwhelm, anxiety and wasted talent.
Many of us have been there. Some of us are still there. Some of us just can’t seem to get our sh*t together, as time wastes away. There is a way, however, I promise. From one reformed Lost (But Talented) Girl to another, here are a few tips to help you get there — and to identify where “there” even is. The fact of the matter is, we Lost (But Talented) Girls are highly capable people. We just need a sensible framework in which we can understand our objectives, and a system for implementing them.
You may have heard some of these tips before. Sometimes we Lost (But Talented) Girls just need suggestions to be framed differently in order to truly “get them”. The tips outlined here go from high level, long term strategic to more tactical on a day-to-day basis. You’ll need a moment to sit down and think about these things. Scope out and define (ideally in writing) what works for you.
Step 1: Clearly Define What You Need
Is it a job? A sense of purpose? More friends? Better dancing skills? What are you trying to acquire or accomplish in the longer term? Clearly define your overarching goals. It’s ok to have several, but try to prioritise some very high level, foundational objectives that you’re striving for. Some might call this the “Why” behind your actions.
Step 2: Catalogue What You Have on Your Plate
I like to use a “bucketing” approach. Most of us have numerous sub-responsibilities in multiple categories. Household chores (get dishwasher fixed), health-related needs (schedule dentist appointment), work tasks (submit report to boss by Thursday), relationship (plan partner’s birthday surprise) and friendship-related (make reservation for drinks this weekend). Figure out which buckets you have “going on” and list the sub-tasks underneath each category.
Step 3: Develop a System
Determine which tools you need to help you gather, prioritise and track the scattered bajillions of tasks in your life. My lifesaver is a very, very simple weekly planner which helps me gather my tasks, distribute them across the days of the week, and jot down any notes. Begin each day by consulting and reviewing your planner or preferred organisational tool.
Schedule your tasks. Apart from keeping a physical planner, I like to schedule many of my tasks into a calendar. I don’t always adhere to the timing I’ve set for them, but it helps me to visually grasp the responsibilities on my plate during the day and to declutter my mind. I also auto schedule a weekly time slot to tackle longer term, more abstract goals I have.
Clean your space and keep it minimal. For those of us who have constantly online, brilliant brains, any unnecessary distraction must be cleared out. Finally, work that system. Tweak it. Make a ritual of approaching your workspace and finding it zen, organised and ready-to-go.
Find accountability partners and spaces. Scout out Meet-ups, groups, friends, libraries… make it a point to be around anyone who dedicates time to focused work in a physical meeting space. Sometimes by simply being next to others who are focusing and getting work done can shift your energy and kickstart your work.
Like your system. What system feels good to you and makes you want to return to it every day. Do you enjoy using gold star stickers to celebrate your finished tasks? Maybe you work best in the late mornings after 11, after having had a slow and leisurely start to the day. Or maybe you enjoy sitting down to knock out your tasks after crushing a 5am 3-mile run, Whatever it is, remember there is no right or wrong when it comes to Your system.
Step 4: F*ck Perfectionism
You will fall off the wagon. There will be periods where you don’t follow your routine and will get lost again. The important thing, is to know the initial point to get back to, and what seems to work for you. Like building new neural pathways in the brain, each time you return to your system you will further strengthen adherence to it. And this is where you will see the results.
Step 5: Identify and Step Over What’s Holding You Back
When you feel a strong resistance to a task, there’s often an underlying reason (it’s not just laziness, no matter what your mother says). Perhaps it’s not aligned with your authentic self. Other times it may be triggering deep-seated fears connected to traumas. Take a moment (just a moment, don’t dwell!) to examine the source of it, lightly acknowledge it, and make a conscious decision to take the first or smallest step to start or move the task forward. For example, if you’ve been dragging your feet on texting someone for a favor, send them a “Hey” text first. Then you’ll naturally be forced to continue to conversation. Play the game of figuring out what the teeniest step might be to move that task forward, and then act upon that tiny step.
What has worked for you? Drop a note in the comments.
