Love yourself

This blog post was originally published on everyday dpm.

I recently tweeted an analogy about PMs being like parents, constantly looking out for everyone else but are rarely asked how they’re doing / managing / feeling.

Being accountable for the success of a project is a big responsibility, for many, we’re responsible for multiple projects. The emphasis and focus of the company is always on the team, they take the praise and the credit and we often take the brunt of any issues the projects face.

There are of course numerous rewards to being a PM but it’s easy to get bogged down by people politics, difficult clients or spiralling budgets. Although parents, partners, and friends try to understand, they don’t always “get it”.

I’ve realised that I can’t rely on other people to look out for me, I need to be aware of my limits and needs.

Since the start of the year, I’ve been exploring what I can do to help ensure I remain happy, healthy and fulfilled at work . I’ve definitely not cracked it, in fact right now, I’m going through a period where I need to listen to my own advice more but I’m becoming better at acknowledging when I need to take a step back and check in with myself.

Here are some practical things which have benefited me so far this year

Invest in personal relationships at work

In the last year or so, I’ve established a close friendship with a co-worker. It’s made such a big difference to my work life. Having someone you can share work related stuff with who completely understands and can encourage and support you is invaluable. These relationships can’t be forced and will develop naturally over time but they normally start by reaching out to someone for coffee or lunch.

Carefully consider what you commit to

I was feeling overloaded at the start of this year due to spending a lot of my time outside of work, doing stuff related to project management, be that organising or promoting our next meetup, writing blog posts, or getting involved in side projects.

I was starting to resent the stuff I was doing, it became draining rather than fulfilling.

Although I still find it difficult to say no, I’m becoming better at carefully choosing what activities I invest in and I’m now more realistic about what commitments I make.

Carve out ‘you’ time

As a PM, a lot of your time is spent thinking about others. It’s difficult to give out when you’re running on empty, don’t feel bad for taking some time out and doing something for you.

Earlier this year, I heard someone say that being ‘selfish’ isn’t actually ‘selfish’ because it’s a little ‘ish’ of thinking about the ‘self’ which is a good thing.

If you have the option to work remotely, perhaps start by booking out 1 day a month for you to take some time away from the office and do something a bit different, write a blog post, turn off notifications, use this time get on top of your to do list or work on something non project specific.

Be honest with those around you

If you’re feeling stretched, under-appreciated or burnt out, don’t be a martyr. PMs carry a lot of the burden and will often put on a brave face. Share how you’re feeling with your manager in your next 1–1. If you don’t have 1–1’s, escalate it to someone you trust in the leadership team. If you feel comfortable also tell your team and outline some ways they can help you i.e. I’m stretched at the moment so won’t be able to attend scrum, please could you put an update after scrum in Slack for me to see.

Spend time with your peers

Community is really important. I organise a local bi-monthly PM meetup and I’m also in a couple of DPM related slack channels. I get a lot from spending time with my peers, it’s a great outlet for sharing experiences and learning from each other.

Digital detox

I love social media but I sometimes get to the point that I feel like it’s controlling me! Earlier this year, I deleted Twitter from my phone for 6 weeks. In that time, I read three books and slept a lot better as I wasn’t scanning my phone before bed. It doesn’t have to be permanent but check to see if you’ve got an unhealthy attachment to apps, work emails, slack and try and fix that one app at a time.

Also, turn off notifications for work Slack and emails outside of work hours to remove the temptation of checking them!

Seek advice

Going through a tough time? Consider approaching someone you trust and admire for some mentoring or coaching. If you’re stuck in a rut and struggling to see a way forward, vocalising how you’re feeling and where you want to go might be a starting point for moving you forward. It’s often hard to know how to find a mentor or a coach, if you’re struggling to find someone, consider approaching a peer, colleague or someone who attends your local meetup.

Take regular breaks

Walk around the block, take regular breaks, stretch and move around. Drink lots of water and make sure you get enough sleep. Swap some of those carbs for some fruit instead.

Treat yo’self

Yes, fruit is great for you but some days it won’t hit the spot. I get a massive amount of enjoyment from treating myself to a coffee at my local coffee shop from time to time. I also try and book myself a massage once a month, it helps release the tension that builds up from a desk job over time. Indulge yourself, you deserve it.

Take a break

If you’ve tried the above and you’re still feeling worn out, take a break. Book off a long weekend or plan a holiday, in my own experience, a holiday always helps provide a fresh perspective.

It’s difficult to do a good job, if you’re not looking after yourself. If you’re happy and fulfilled, your project and team will reap the benefit.