Picture — Kohat, Pakistan

It rains to numb

The afternoon wind had slowly tranquillised the rain, sedating the animal in the clouds. These drops like an anesthetic killed away any feeling as they fell and numbed everything they touched. The walls were asleep as was the ground a low scuffle of the wind with those heavenly tears, making love to each other in the air before they embraced their fall.

Air filled with a lullaby, the child was the world before us. And I was in it. These drops took me away, left me numb for hours as I just stared at them. As a child I thought up different images of where these tears came from. Were they angels who cried for us? Did the heavens weep for our well being or with us in our time of sorrow? Was it God’s way of saying not to worry I’m here to calm you down? Was there a giant spaghetti strainer in the sky and was some cosmic pasta party going on when it rained? Whatever the reason romanticised or hilariously insane these tears were my drops of bliss.

Sitting alone by this window, the nook of the arch just barely enough for me to peer out into the world that glistened like a beloved’s skin. That’s what it reminded me of, that flawless amber skin. I haven’t seen that glow for quite some time now. And this window, this setting it all brings back a memory so pure and beautiful, of staring out into the distance. Of imagining moments that never happened. Of searching for eyes in this world around you that sparkled in daylight and in the dark like crystals of amethyst, forever glowing. I could have said stars and the analogy would have been fitting. But I could never reach for a star, I could only imagine them. There’s no harm in having a little faith. Yes, these memories were pure and beautiful indeed.

As beautiful as her? I’d be lying to myself and to you if I said yes, but I’d like to exercise the thought for a while.

I’ve heard the heart longs most of that which it can never have. A heightened sense of longing with what is out of your reach. You realise the fact but the heart thinks with itself; unaided untainted are its thoughts. It never accepts the facts. And forever seems like such little time.

You could be with the one you love for all of eternity and it would seem like but a flash. Just yesterday you laid your eyes on her for the very first time but every moment etched in your mind, emblazoned on your heart, your each nerve twitching at the thought of her.

We all feel it, this sense of completion. Of finding completion. What’s truly funny is we often see it in the most impossible of places. Those eyes that remind us of stars.

That’s why it rains to sedate you. It rains to turn you numb.

I imagine what it would be like if it truly did rain a sedative and the whole world would sleep in actuality instead of this static state of bliss. I don’t see that image as something I would like to experience for the fact that I cannot attain the sedation yet experience it in the rain is because I long for it.

It rains to numb me. It rains to numb the world around me. It rains to remind me it’s time to take a break and just peer out of your little hovel, out of the crack in the walls. Aimlessly for a change. Aimlessly, there’s a laugh.