DROWNING in Emotions
Sometimes I feel like life is a tug-of-war between LIVING and LEAVING.
I’ve been diagnosed Bi-polar. One day I’m happy as a lark, the next day I may be drowning in an ocean of despair. Do ya feel me? If this sounds familiar, if you have ever, even ONCE, contemplated excusing yourself from life (read: had suicidal thoughts) please read on. I have learned some things that have really changed/saved my life, and I firmly believe I am still alive today to share them with others.
When I was in Costa Rica last year, I noticed a lot of the beaches had riptide warning signs. I began to think of my kids, and how they love the ocean, and then I realized I needed to educate myself about riptides, so I could pass on the info. Riptides can get you even if you’re simply playing in the waves just off the beach, and your feet are still touching the bottom.
Basically a riptide, or rip current, is a powerful, narrow channel of fast-moving water in the ocean or Great Lakes that is prevalent along the coast. They literally rip you from shore. Panicked swimmers caught in one will instinctually do the wrong thing-the very thing that ends their life. They panic, and they fight it. They try to save themselves by swimming very hard to shore, exhausting themselves and losing the battle with the tide and drowning.
The answer to surviving a riptide goes against our survival instinct. One must stay calm and allow the riptide to “do its thing”, as it’s more likely to pull you away from shore than drag you underwater. All you need to do is tread water until the rip current releases you. And it will. Don’t struggle. Save your energy. At this point you should swim parallel to the shore, and then at an angle, making your way back to shore.
Depressive states are very much like this. When the “overwhelm” has you in its grip, when you feel like you’re drowning in despair, this is the time to relax into it, instead of trying to fight it.
I have finally learned, after all these years, to just BE with these strong emotions. Just sit with them. As Ted Talker Sami Moukaddem explains in his technique in the YouTube video entitled, “On living with depression and suicidal feelings”, he says he would imagine just sitting on the sandy bottom, under water where the riptide of sadness had brought him, where the monsters reside and want to “take you down”. At this point, instead of fighting them, just sit with them, and let these monsters become your friend, your messenger. Listen to what they are trying to show you, to teach you.
This is what I have discovered in my life as well. Once I finally learned to stop resisting what was arising in me, and to lean into it instead, I have been able to take much better care of myself during these times, and not allow myself to drown in the despair. One VERY important lesson I learned was to NOT TAKE ANY ACTION during a riptide of dark emotion. Just wait out the storm, so to speak. And it always does end. There is always the dawn of a new day. It may take a couple of days, or a couple of weeks. I’ve learned to just be patient, to be gentle with myself, and do what it takes to make it from one day to the next.
I truly hope this helps. I’ve been getting along much better in life armed with this type of knowledge. And I hope it helps save someone’s life, whether from suicide, or from a real-life riptide. Here is more helpful information on how to survive an ocean or Great Lakes rip current, courtesy of oceanservice.noaa.gov:
