Welcome Home
“Belonging is primal, fundamental to our sense of happiness and well-being.” — Amanda Enayati, for CNN Health
The desire to have a home- to be rooted to a certain place or people- is such an inherently human longing. So often clients come to me overwhelmed, lacking focus, disconnected from others, and unsure where to begin. These are often people that appear to have it all together- people that others see as charismatic, powerful, successful, put-together people. The insecurities that make us feel alone are actually almost universal. We seem to all have a fundamental longing to be both special and unique, and to be connected to others in our uniqueness.
We all long to belong.
Airbnb taps into this brilliantly, with their “Belong Anywhere” campaign.
How can you use this knowing to benefit your career?
Know what position would make a great fit for you, (a good career coach can help tremendously with gaining clarity and perspective on your most fulfilling and purposeful path) and then emphasize what makes you uniquely perfect for the position.
A great resume tips article on Forbes states, “The last line of your resume is where most people list their interests, but don’t actually say anything interesting. You like movies, sports, and traveling? How original! Instead, say something that could strike an emotional chord or spark a memorable conversation mid-interview. At the very least, be highly specific. In Give and Take, Wharton professor Adam Grant emphasizes that similarities matter most when they’re rare. “We bond when we share uncommon commonalities, which allow us to feel that we fit in and stand out at the same time,” he says. Your interests are a huge bonding opportunity with your resume reader. Don’t waste it.”
What about in our personal lives?
For most of us, as we get older and as we make major life transitions, deep rooted connections may also shift or disappear, at a time when they may feel more vital than ever. So what can you do about it?
Observe, with Compassion for Yourself and Others
“Everybody just wants to be heard. Toni Morrison said that what every child wants to know is, Do your eyes light up when I enter the room? Did you hear me and did what I say mean anything to you? That’s all they’re looking for. That’s what everybody is looking for.” –Oprah, in Parade
Sometimes, observing and assuming the best is a great start. Know that everyone has a story and a struggle of their own, and that we all want to connect with others. Know that the person who challenges you is likely also longing for belonging and connection, and have compassion.
Regroup, and identify your ideal network and support system
Know that if you are going through a transition, you may benefit from adjusting your network of peers too. Make sure you have at least one or two people in your life who support your highest self- who can encourage you and lift you up (and you do the same for them.) If you don’t, go out and seek that. Who will your mentors be on this new path you are undertaking? Where do they hang out? Challenge yourself to try a new networking or social event and to introduce yourself to three new people. Which leads to:
Push Your Boundaries and Take a Chance
Connect with those who do care about you. Make it a point to call someone and set a date for tea/coffe — jot just to say hi on FB. And then take a chance to meet someone new. What worked in the past may not work for the future you are creating: set yourself a challenge to do at least one boundary-pushing thing per week. Reward yourself when you do. Do you work better one on one? Then connect with a connection of a connection through LinkedIn who fits your new ideal network and set up a coffee date. Better in a group? Check Meetup, or come to our next Breakfast Club Meeting.
P.S. Hey, thank you, Siluckana, for modeling this for me. I had the privilege of officiating Siluckana’s vow renewal ceremony five years ago, and she reached out to me this week to let me know she had been checking out my work on LinkedIn, and that my blogs were make a difference. It made my day. (If you’re in Atlanta and need a realtor, check her out.)
Dawn is a speaker and career coach specializing in mastering the chaos, stopping the “hamstering”, finding or regaining your spark, and living an authentically balanced life. She always has time for Ethiopian food, red bean buns, and chocolate chip cookies.
