4 Signs You Have an Anxious Attachment Style
“…their atachment system is full on.”
One of the greatest benefits of discovering my anxious attachment style has been a sense of clarity and with that, relief. No, I am not “defective” or “crazy — I simply adapted as a child to keep myself safe.
My attachment style has played a starring role in almost all of my romantic relationships, but I by no means want this to define me. I hope that if you relate to this attachment adaptation, that you consider resisting surrendering to your attachment style as something finite and unchanging. Research shows that we all have the capacity to move towards security in our relationships and we are by no means at the mercy of our relational patterns.
Are they hard to change? Heck yeah they are. It’s hard work but it is not impossible.
As Diane Poole Heller says in her book The Power of Attachment, “ambivalently attached folks really want a relationship so their attachment system is full on.” We are likely to spend a lot of time finding intimate relationships and doing everything we can to keep them when we do find them. For this reason, we are also most likely to be the ones diving into the research on attachment in the first place.
