Beauty Behind the Madness
Have you ever caught yourself judging your own emotions?
Perhaps, there were moments when you were thinking how you “shouldn’t” have been so affected by certain events or you were frustrated because you were still emotionally attached to people from your past.
In all likelihood, we’ve all found ourselves in such situations, when we were in disbelief at how our own nervous system was treating us. And even though we had every right to feel a sense of longing for more pleasurable sensations, we might have been missing out on the importance of feeling pain, sadness, anger and all the other ‘not-so-nice’ emotions.
According to John Bradshaw, an author and a counsellor, emotions are “a form of energy in motion. They signal us of a loss, a threat or a satiation. Sadness is about losing something we cherish. Anger and fear are signals of actual or impending threats to our well-being. Joy signals that we are fulfilled and satisfied.”
In short, our emotions function as messengers. They tell us what is good for us and what is not, how we should approach certain situations, as well as when we should leave them. Put simply - in all shapes and sizes, emotions are vital for our wellbeing.
For instance, if we were talking to someone and through the course of the conversation, we noticed anger brimming within ourselves , that was our nervous system telling us there was something about that interaction that wasn’t healthy for us. It was a call for us to check in with ourselves and see what needs of ours were not being met.
Similarly, our emotions serve as reminders to cherish the moments and people we are compatible with.
When I was studying in France, I used to have a friend with whom I would meet up every weekend. We would always go to one of our favourite bars or cafes and later on walk around the city, all the whilst talking about everything and anything. And every time I went to meet her, I remember being truly happy. I knew I was going to meet a person who would make me feel seen and heard. In other words, by making me feel at ease, my body was reminding me to cherish this person and the relationship I had with her.
On the other hand, if we decide to ignore our emotions, quite paradoxically, we are only, going to make them stronger. Suppression of feelings has been linked with increased anger and anxiety, heightened levels of stress and an increase in depressive symptoms.
In terms of our physical side, if we deny ourselves feeling our emotions, we are actively undermining our entire body’s immunity, resulting in a higher vulnerability towards a whole range of diseases (from the common cold to cancer).
Therefore, unless we tune into what our body has been trying to tell us, we will be held captive by its cries for help. Same as we cannot drive safely without listening to the signs around us, we cannot live a joyous and fulfilling life whilst ignoring the signs our own nervous system has been sending us.
In essence, each time we find ourselves feeling angry or sad, we are given an opportunity to get to know ourselves a little better and learn how to take care of wellbeing. In that way, emotions act as subtle yet powerful invitations our bodies have been sending us to grow.
Inevitably, if we adopt this mode of thinking and decide to turn inwards we’ll make ourselves increasingly vulnerable, which is surprisingly not a bad thing. This will occur as we’ll be slowly stepping out of the role we thought we were supposed to play and will let ourselves be seen (by ourselves and others), perhaps for the first time.
As a result, we might feel frightened of what the future holds. Quite likely, we’ll encounter some of the following thoughts along the way.
“If I cry, will they think I’m weak?”
“If I get angry, will they abandon me?”
“If I show them I’m in pain, will they think less of me?”
Fortunately, these are all natural responses given the environment and the culture we’ve all grown up in. And the truth is, some people will not want to be there for us anymore. However, that has nothing to do with us, as much as with their inability to accept the emotions we express. Luckily, once we find the people who are able to appreciate us for who we are, we will start to develop much deeper bonds, a phenomenon that has been proven by multiple studies.
In conclusion, in spite of the pain and sadness that we have all been experiencing, perhaps even on a daily basis, I’m certain that a path towards a state of peace and contentment still exists. That is why, instead of running away from the difficult emotions I suggest we turn inwards. If we are angry, let ourselves feel the anger. If we are sad, let ourselves be in pain.
In the moments to come, we will see which needs of ours are not being met and then we’ll be able to actively work towards mending the situation. After a while, we will witness ourselves becoming emotionally resilient, equipped with more understanding for ourselves, as well as having a desire to help others too. For even though we are social animals and have the need for connection and intimacy, we are capable of providing ourselves with the required understanding and love — we just have to listen.
References:
Bradshaw, John (2005). Healing the Shame That Binds You. Health Communications.
University of Texas at Austin. (2011, March 24). Psychologists find the meaning of aggression: ‘Monty Python’ scene helps research. ScienceDaily. Retrieved September 21, 2020 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110323105202.htm
Jainish Patel, Prittesh Patel (2019) Consequences of Repression of Emotion: Physical Health, Mental Health and General Well Being. International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research — 1(3):16–21. Retrieved September 21, 2020 from https://openaccesspub.org/ijpr/article/999
Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363–377. doi:10.1177/014616729723400
