Building relationships in an office-less office

Seven months. We’ve just passed the seven month anniversary of our first lockdown in the UK. For many of us, this brought an almost overnight move away from the physical office and a shift towards the virtual office.

So, how is it going? What’s working well? For me:

• I’ve enjoyed having more time in my day that was previously spent commuting
• The big things I used to worry about before don’t seem so big anymore. I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff
• The world is changing around me, and although at times it might feel overwhelming, it’s also an opportunity to learn at the same time. Change is happening on a massive scale for many organisations, and this brings opportunities to learn about how change really works

There’s also plenty of things that I miss, too. I ventured into freelancing in July, and I MISS PEOPLE. I miss the daily interaction with colleagues and feeling part of something bigger.

However — rose-tinted specs removed for a second, I know how difficult it can be to manage relationships at work, too, and I’m yet to miss office politics! If you are finding it tough to build and maintain relationships at work right now, then this article might be for you.

Why bother? Can’t I just get by?

Short and long answer. No. Here’s why:

• Working collaboratively on a task can improve your performance. The results of this study show that people simply feeling like they are part of a team, working on a task, makes them feel more motivated as they take on challenges. (Carr & Walton 2014)
• Feeling connected to others is a basic human need. (Umberson & Montex 2010) and the impact of not feeling connected — and even isolated — causes the same region of the brain to activate as if physical pain has been experienced. (Dunbar & Dunbar 1998)

Five things you can do right now to build strong relationships at work

1. Broaden your network

It’s easy to keep your network limited to the people you usually share an office with. Working virtually means that social interaction is often structured and purposeful, rather than the ‘water cooler’ moments you used to get in the office.

Spend some time reaching out to someone you don’t normally interact with and find an opportunity to connect. Here are some ideas to get the ball rolling:

• Ask for their opinion on something you are working on
• Find out what they are working on — can you add value somehow?
• Reach out to a newcomer. Starting a new job during a pandemic must be tough! Invite them for a virtual coffee, find ways to connect them with other colleagues too

2. Celebrate and validate

How often do you think — hmm good point- in a meeting? How often do you actually say it?

Next time you are in a team meeting, take some time to support a point that you agree with, it can even be as simple as sharing an emoji in the chat bar, or nodding in agreement.

Show people that you are listening and you care about what they have to say.

3. Use language that builds trust

Drop the ‘I’ and start talking about ‘we’. People are more likely to connect with you if they feel like they can trust you and that you are on the same side.

Here is an excellent article with some phrases to help you build rapport (you could even pop them on post-it notes around your screen as a prompt)

A sneak preview:

• Tell me more about…
• What do you think?
• I’m sorry, I interrupted you.

4. Don’t limit your conversations to just work topics

Show people that you are human too share something about what you got up to at the weekend, or what you are looking forward to in the next few months. Equally, invest time in getting to know your colleagues.

I try to remember one small thing about each person I interact with, so that next time I bump into them, I have a conversation starter. For example ‘how did your daughter’s move to uni go?’ — this is authentic because I really am interested in people (weirdly!), and it also demonstrates that I have an interest in them as a person as well as a colleague.

5. Ask for help

One of the best ways to build trust is to demonstrate vulnerability yourself.

So, take off your armour and ask for some help on a project you are working on. Find out who could help you, and make sure you tell them why, for example:

• ‘I noticed that you seem to be able to manage this stakeholder particularly well, I have a difficult project coming up with them. Do you have time for a 10-minute virtual coffee? I would love some tips on how to handle it.’
• ‘I enjoyed how you delivered your presentation last week. I have a presentation coming up soon, and I would really appreciate any advice you could share to liven it up?’

Parting advice.

My biggest tip when building relationships, above anything else, is to be genuine and authentic. It will show if you aren’t, and it’s going to be exhausting spending your time living a double life!

It’s okay to not find relationships at work easy, it takes constant work, and we are not always going to get it right. It is worth investing in.

What are your top tips for building relationships at work? What has worked for you in 2020?