Do You Chase the Squirrel?

If you want to put an end to your suffering, here’s why you should leave the squirrel alone.

Photo by Külli Kittus on Unsplash

The chicken runs in my backyard support a thriving metropolis of furry and feathery creatures. Rats, mice, sparrows, robins, and, ugh, squirrels. It is impossible to keep out the rats and mice, so I’ve given up. They can slip in a, uh, mouse-sized hole. The raccoons by night and hawks by day hover undercover, sharp-toothed-and-taloned existential threats.

To protect the chickens, I’ve cobbled a wire and fencing lockdown. I make frequent inspections in a desperate hope that these wily beasts don’t find a loophole that I’ve missed. If I miss the loophole just one time, heads will roll. You will walk out to a morning murder scene with bloodied, decapitated heads gnawed on legs and a duvet’s worth of feathers strewn throughout the garden. Such morning horrors happen at some point to almost all chicken owners. When it does, as it did with three chicks that a feral cat got into during the day, we have a funeral, weep, and vow to do better.

Then there are the squirrels. What do to about the squirrels? There are so many of them. There is a particularly enormous, brazen one who dines daily at the chicken run’s bottomless buffet. Giant squirrel shows up moments after I set out the chicken feed and watches from the tree above. When I’ve walked far enough away from…