How Contempt Kills Relationships
Separating facts from fiction regarding the #1 predictor of divorce
You probably already know that 100% of relationships have conflict, but you may be feeling like your fights have gotten worse lately, and lines have been crossed that were previously off limits.
You might wonder: Is my relationship healthy? Is it toxic? Is the only way to be true to myself is to leave?
What is Contempt?
You may have heard the statistic that contempt is the number 1 predictor of divorce (Gottman). This statistic is accurate, but it’s important to slow down and understand what this means and how it relates to you.
The basic notion of contempt is: “I’m better than you and you are lesser than me.” World-renown emotion expert, Dr. Paul Ekman
Contempt is the face you make when you smell the milk to see whether it has gone bad…and it has.
Relationships don’t usually start out contemptuous. They escalate from situational fights, to progressively more criticism, defensiveness, resentment and judgement.
Even couples who love one another deeply can find themselves feeling desperate. As things spiral out of control, they end up putting their partners down while propping themselves up…
