Member-only story
How I Learned to Be Alone Without Being Lonely
Saturday night. My phone is dead silent. No texts. No invites. No “Hey, wanna grab a drink?”
Years ago, this scenario would have crushed me. Solitude was my punishment because when alone, there’s nowhere to hide — just you and your thoughts.
And I didn’t like my thoughts.
But now?
I pour myself a glass of wine, put on a record, and sink into a book like I have nowhere better to be. Because I don’t. My solitude is the best place to be.
Here’s how I got here.
Loneliness Isn’t About Being Alone
If being alone made people miserable, monks would be the most depressed humans on earth. But they are not. Solitude doesn’t create suffering. Our resistance to it does.
Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone. It comes from not being at peace with yourself.
Loneliness says You’re missing something.
Solitude, when you learn how to embrace it, says You are whole.
In Japan, there’s a concept called “ma” (間) — the beauty of an empty space. The idea that what isn’t there is just as important as what is. Silence in music. Gaps in art. Emptiness in life.
