Is He The One?
People love to say when you meet the one you will just know.
But will you?
The beginning is all butterflies and anticipation…and you really feel like it is the real thing. And then the initial attraction fades into the crushing realization that the reality of your relationship doesn’t quite match up.
If you find yourself in that moment where you are wondering if you are in or out…
“…that is probably a bad sign in itself.”
When you are in a great relationship, one that provides an environment where you feel you can be your most authentic self, you just know it. It isn’t the first moments with the butterflies and the irresistible attraction that tell you what you need to know.
It is the moment you let your guard down, when you don’t feel pretty or perfect or right. But you find there is this amazing person sitting next to you talking it through and loving you.
“…he should get you.”
If he doesn't laugh at your jokes now, he never will. If he doesn’t want to have a deep conversation now, he never will. Don’t hold out hope for something that never was.
“…you shouldn’t feel judged.”
Does he criticize how you look? How you dress? Does he compare you to other women? Not a great sign. You should feel loved in a relationship. Not like you are under a microscope. Insecurity in relationships can come directly from your partner’s constant critique of how you look or act. Let’s face it, love isn’t cruel and it doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself. It just doesn’t.
The truth is, healthy relationships far outlast the butterflies. They grow. They change you. Maybe you are softer than you have ever been before. Maybe you feel stronger. Your power becomes authentic as your confidence expands.
Great relationships are the medium in which we become an even better version of ourselves. So how will you know?
#1 “Real love will give you your freedom.”
When he is happy to give you nights out with your friends, hours talking your sister through her break-up, working nights to fulfill your passion…that is a secure relationship. And you can only do it with secure people. When he respects his own life and time, he will respect yours too.
#2 “You will feel alive”
Finding the person you should spend your life with will transform you as a person. There is a difference between someone trying to change you and someone who helps you become an even better version of yourself. Does he support your dreams? Does he believe in your ability? Yes, that’s it.
#3 “No one plays games”
There are no threats to the relationship. Even when you fight, there is growth and a greater understanding on the other side. Every interaction leads you to greater security in your partnership. Only great relationships grow over time because the two of you compliment one another.
#4 “He is your best friend”
You got the big promotion at work. You read the most interesting article. Your dog is sick again. And you can’t wait to tell him. You could call any of your girlfriends, you could call your mom…but there is one person you are dying to tell because good or bad, it is the best conversation.
#5 “And the sex…”
The two most important aspects of a couple are sexual chemistry and good sex. You can be attracted to someone but the sex feels like work. You need both attraction and great execution to feel fulfilled. It simply doesn’t work with everyone. The feeling of compatibility and trust to be open to experimentation is key to a sexual relationship that evolves with you as a couple.
#6 “Your values align.”
What is important to you, I mean core values important, is something he shares. Like wanting children. Or spirituality. Or where and how you want to live. These things aren’t easily changed. People believe what they believe and want what they want. You can’t expect a guy who does not want kids to just give in because you do. That is an irreconcilable difference.
When your values align, you move in the same direction with ease. It feels so good to make decisions and move forward because you both want it.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”