It Is Going To Be Alright, Right?
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Okay. Breathe. Getting a major wave of anxiety right now.
It’s only adding to this overwhelming feeling, whose source I can’t quite put my finger on. Doesn’t really help, does it? If you’re already being swallowed by it, and then on top of that, you can’t name exactly what brought it on? I guess I’m just going to have to sit here, moping away as always in inexplicable misery until it passes.
But wait, here’s a thought. Since I already frequently use writing platforms like this one to reflect and process my various troubles, maybe it’s worth a shot to try writing myself through this one. Write about it as I’m going through it and see if that helps.
I know, normally people go through the gloom and then write about it in retrospect, having achieved contemplation and a clearer head. But I don’t want to wait. I don’t want this one to be a look back on what went wrong. I want this one to be what it’s actually like in the middle of it, right now, as I weep and type. Besides, patience has never been my strong suit.
So the first thought that occurs to me right now is “Why?” I want to know why. Why the hell am I so sad?
At the core of it, it’s really just chemical; a chemical imbalance in my brain. Clearly, my serotonin levels are a bit depleted right now, and my cortisol levels are shooting through the roof. But beyond that, there must be a source to the emotional distress that’s feeding this chemical reaction. And in order to address it, I need to figure out what that is.
Okay, let’s walk through this thing step by step.
What happened today that might have upset me? Well I did do some work today, which very likely contributed. I have been struggling with my new business, as much as I believe in it, from the sheer exhaustion and frustration of doing it broke and by myself. So that probably plays a part in this.
But then, it doesn’t really feel like that’s entirely it. Something tells me it runs deeper than that. So let’s go back a bit further.
