PODCAST GOD

Plug Your Sexy Ears With My Podcast: “Misbehaving In Maine”

Now you, like me, can have my voice in your head all day long

by author

I just unleashed my first podcast episode, and my expectations are so high they qualify as a degenerative disease.

Since hitting “Publish,” whenever I feel my phone purring flirtatiously in my pocket, I assume it’s Penguin Random House, Tom Cruise, Mensa, and The Avengers saying, “You’re in!” It’s also my Failures Anonymous group saying, “You’re out!”

Here’s how I did it.

ONE: I lived. Historically speaking, most people my age are dead (my Grampa’s joke).

TWO: I mistakenly wrote a book that was overqualified for publication, a book called “Misbehaving In Maine.” Thirty or so chapters about a death-wish childhood in the Pine Tree State.

Here are a few of its chapters:

• Chapter 2: The First And Last Time I Saw My Mother Dance
• Chapter 11: You Never Forget Your First F-Bomb
• Chapter 25: There’s More Than Sound And Fury In A Homemade Bomb: Sometimes, There’s Love
• Chapter 30: Teachers Have Emotions Too, And Pasts, And Were Once Young, And Can Feel Pain

After every agent living said, “Though you’re hot in a girl-next-door sort of way, and I wish you were my son or boyfriend, MISBEHAVING IN MAINE is not for me,” I chewed up the book like a disillusioned mother bird chewing up a worm congregation, and now I’m ready to audibly spew.

by author

THREE: I named the podcast “Misbehaving In Maine,” but only after a long name-hunting quest with the help of many friends, which birthed the following attempts:

· The Up Chucker

· Story Pig

· Put Your Story Where Your Mouth Is

· Spanking My Drum

· Molehill Mountain Tales

· Dump Pumpkin