The Longer the Pandemic, the Shorter the Fuse
What’s fueling this growing anger as the pandemic rages on?
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Boom!
Do you get the sense that since the coronavirus pandemic started that you’ve been getting increasingly more irritated and angry to the point that your head feels like it’s going to explode? Do you get easily frustrated at complete strangers for the smallest things? Find yourself more and more annoyed at the inconveniences in your daily life?
Well, I certainly have. If you’re experiencing this growing feeling of anger, frustration and irritability as well, you are not alone. In the past few months, I’ve witnessed an increase in verbal disputes among strangers at stores, parks, and in other public spaces. The tone of social media posts has noticeably become more angry and heated. Neighborhood online discussion boards are filled with complaints and grievances about other people. I’ve found myself highly impatient in many situations that in the past I would simply shrug off. I’ve had to limit my social media activity because my threshold for handing any sort of conflict or difference of opinion has dissolved almost completely.
If you’re experiencing this growing feeling of anger, frustration and irritability as well, you are not alone.
The truth is that tensions are extremely high right now and it’s mostly been driven by the health and safety concerns of the coronavirus pandemic. For instance, parents are either worried about their children’s return to in-person class or they’re frustrated that classes are continuing to be held remotely. Passersby in public are visibly irritated by others that don’t abide by social distancing or aren’t wearing a face mask. As a result, people are struggling to take control of the increasing pile of negative emotions and it’s eating them up inside. In fact, dentists are finding that more and more of their patients have been grinding their teeth to the point that they’ve fractured their enamel.
Have we been getting angrier?
It certainly seems like that we have been getting angrier since the start of the pandemic. In fact, researchers have found that Americans in particular are reporting higher levels of anger and frustration between the months of April and July. Among the three thousand people that participated in the survey, feelings of frustration were reported to have increased by 33% while those who experiencing anger grew by 50%. As time has gone on, our continued lack of access to activities that we had use to cope with stress is literally wearing away at our nerves.
What’s making us so irritated?
You’re probably wondering what’s fueling this growing anger across the nation, and likely throughout the world, particularly where the pandemic has wreaked havoc on our way of life. The sad truth is we are in an unprecedented time in our history; unfortunately, we don’t have a whole lot to draw from past experiences that can guide us to a resolution.
Experts have found that when we are ill, tired, or depleted of resources, it manifests as irritability. When we are stretched thin, inadequacy grows and our feelings of control and confidence shrink considerably. We can even become resentful when partners or family members don’t help out. We lash out at others we perceive are somehow managing better than we are. However, in many cases, this perception can in reality be more of a distortion of our own situation in relation to what others are going through. We are all going through this and we aren’t the only ones struggling through the pandemic.
Fight or flight response
There is an evolutionary basis as to why we get angry at those who we perceive are putting ourselves and our loved ones in harm’s way. Neuroscientists have found that we are not entirely in control of feeling emotions such as anger, frustration, and irritability. At times when we have this need to let out emotions such as sadness, loneliness, and fear or have conflicts with others that continue to be left unsettled, our body senses these situations as dangerous; our “fight or flight” response is irritability. In this irritated state, we become easily judgemental and weary of others. This can be one of the reasons we notice people harshly judging others for the level at which they abide by stay-at-home and mask wearing orders. Additionally, no matter whether you’ve contracted COVID-19 or not, when your body feels threatened or in danger of infection, you are wired to defend yourself and activate a fight or flight response. Unfortunately, when our fuse blows, it’s often our loved ones that end up in the line of fire.
Some have wondered whether humans as a society have been getting meaner to each other. For instance, when I get overly frustrated at my dog for having an accident in the apartment, I may ask myself, “why am I being so mean to her?” or “why am I getting so emotional over such a small thing?”. This sort of questioning and self-judgement can turn into shame, which then provokes further irritability and more feelings of indignity towards oneself. We then see our own level of meanness and that we see of others as proof that our society is getting meaner. However, according to psychologists, we aren’t necessarily being mean to one another because we’re not intending to inflict harm or hurt someone else. Instead, it is the pandemic that is pushing us to our limits and we aren’t left with the resources to manage our irritability and anger.
Need to appear strong and independent
Throughout human history, as part of survival, we don’t feel comfortable with appear vulnerable to other people. We want others to see us as strong, capable, and in control of ourselves and our environment. By taking this more aggressive stance, we don’t have to show our vulnerabilities to other people. But as a result, by suppressing vulnerability, we open ourselves to rage and irrItability.
Psychologists suggest that we stop burying our emotions within and instead be honest with ourselves and our loved ones. The first step is perhaps the hardest: “We need to acknowledge our vulnerability to others in our lives”. In other words, we must realize that we really to need each other. As an example, a common pattern that emerges in romantic relationships called pursue-withdraw involves a negative spiral of anger and withdrawal. Instead of being open with one another about each other’s needs, one person will get angry, then the other person withdraws. The person will then get more angry causing the other person to withdraw further. This cycle can be devastating for couples in what is already an extremely tenuous time and is difficult to break without being honest about each other’s needs.
We need to acknowledge our vulnerability to others in our lives
Crave for routine, certainty and control
While we love the idea of spontaneity, the pandemic has made it impossible to do many of the spontaneous activities that had provided us with enjoyment in the past. Activities such as taking a last-minute road trip or surprising a friend with a visit are much more difficult to do without putting ourselves and others in danger or causing internal conflict due to various concerns. Also, people want to be able to plan for the future. We enjoy preparing for vacation and holiday trips and for many, looking forward to these planned trips makes daily life a lot more bearable. We find comfort in setting a regular routine and find it frustrating to have to constantly wait for things to either stabilize or return to normal. We just don’t do well with with uncertainty and unpredictability.
According to Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatry professor in New York, the pandemic is “making people irritable or having a shorter fuse or more quick to anger.” No matter what situation the pandemic has got us in, all the uncertainty and instability is robbing us of the ability to plan for the future. That’s a hard pill for us to swallow. Because of this, we are bound to be more anxious and upset. We are bound to be short-tempered. We are bound to feel like we are having a panic attack. And all of this is normal.
On top of it all, when we get accustomed to a certain level of independence and that’s abruptly taken away without any idea when it’ll be given back, that can be extremely annoying. Not to mention the fear and anxiety about losing our jobs or catching the virus. Also, we’ve become isolated from our regular social support system. Our jobs may have shifted into remote setting or we may have lost our jobs altogether. And for some there may be a feeling of being trapped with others in the household. In all cases, there’s even more time to get ourselves stuck in negative thoughts and feelings.
Change viewpoint from negative to positive
So now that you know about what’s causing your irritability, what’s there to do about it? For one, we can change how we view our experience from negative to positive. Ask yourself, “what needs to change to make myself feel better?”. Experts think that by answering this question for ourselves, we feel empowered, giving us back power that the pandemic has taken away. This feeling of empowerment we’re given by putting thought into discovering solutions to our problems puts a positive spin in the way we handle with our anger and irritability.
Put yourself in their shoes
While it’s awful to be on the receiving end of a particular argument or tirade, it should give us solace to know that we’re all experiencing some level of hardship and stress because of the pandemic. Because of our shared experience, we should find it within ourselves to feel compassion and empathy for our fellow human beings. In other words, use this knowledge as a way to give each other a break. If someone’s being overly judgemental, consider that they could be acting this way because they’re as stressed and anxious as we are. Looking at others in this way allows us to avoid taking out our irritability on others and instead acknowledge that we are not alone in our struggles during the pandemic.
When you do feel like you’re in an intense moment of stress and anxiety, it might be a good time to “check-in with yourself”. For example you could just pause for a moment, letting yourself really notice your thoughts and feelings that arise, acknowledge what is coming up, and truly allow yourself to accept that frustration your feeling is completely normal considering what you’re going through.
We need to get things off our chest when we’re feeling irritated.
It’s okay to vent.
Actually, it’s more than okay. It’s necessary. Talking, or at the minimum texting or messaging, with someone else is key.
We need to get things off our chest when we’re feeling irritated. We need to tell others about what we need. Rather than letting stress build up within ourselves, by communicating about it, we are able to realize that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings and it will remind us that we are not alone in feeling this way. By talking about our needs, we are able to defuse and avoid an explosion.
