What To Expect In Your First Therapy Session

The anxiety and courage that comes with being vulnerable.

Photo from cottonbro on Pexels

It’s a new year, though not much has changed in the pandemic status. Most people have found new ways and routines around their lives, and yet, these will never seem completely “normal” to us. Some are still struggling with uncertainty, and a lot are still grieving lost futures, jobs, dreams, and loved ones who have lost their battle with COVID or another health issue.

Regardless of our circumstance, we’ve seen ourselves and other people cope healthily or otherwise. We’re still here — that’s important and admirable in itself, given the future shock we are experiencing — and sometimes, that extra nudge toward what is healthy is what we need.

In Lighthouse Wellness, we’ve noticed an increase in the number of new clients toward the end of 2020 and entering 2021. This is great: this shows that people are willing to walk forward in their journey and acknowledge that they need help or support from someone, or, at the very least, people need someone who can validate that they are on the right track.

This whole “I think I should try therapy or counseling” takes a lot of courage.

Therapy anxiety is real — putting oneself in a vulnerable position like this is not something our very DNA is programmed to do.

Our brain is programmed to protect itself, and so putting ourselves in situations that threaten our safety is something that requires us to be daring. If you’re feeling anxious, stressed, or worried about trying out counseling or therapy, know that these are normal and common reactions.

This article aims to give you a preview of what to anticipate, although I would also like to say that these are based on what most people experience; yours may be completely different and unique.

Most people go into therapy with a bag full of expectations, and sometimes, these biases prevent us from finding the right therapist for us.

Here are the common contents in the big bag of therapy expectations, usually packed by Western movies; I bet we all have something to add to this list:

1. Therapy should almost always be done in a dark office-library.
2. Your therapist is some mysterious person whom you cannot find on social media.
3. Your therapist or psychologist is a wise, experienced, well-rounded, and neutral person, ready to pick on your brain, sitting behind a desk or by a couch, with notebook in hand.
4. You will be scolded and you will cry in therapy.
5. Therapy will solve all your problems.

Obviously, if you stick with these items in mind, then you might have a frustrating time looking for one that might fit.

To manage this mindset, consider these things:

1. There are many different theoretical approaches to therapy. The picture painted above is only one of them, and, contrary to what we see in the movies, someone who will meet all those is actually rare. Read up on these approaches and look for someone who matches what you need.
2. It’s okay to shop around; no two therapists are the same. Some will be cold and impersonal, others will be warm and caring, while some will be a beautiful mix of both. It’s okay to ask your therapist questions about their experiences and background during your first session (or succeeding ones) and notice their alliance style (i.e. how they partner with you) and their overall approach. Is this person someone who can relate to you? Someone you feel you can trust? (Follow your gut here.)
3. Therapists, counselors, and life coaches are not magicians or wizards or gods. They are human beings helping other human beings. They have families, bills to pay, households to run. They have lives, too, and cope with it the best way they know how. You might find your therapist active on social media, or doing something personal and purposeful to them, like going to church or doing charity work. If you stumble upon their personal accounts online, keep this in mind before you judge.

Okay, now that you may have already had the courage to actually book a session, what can you expect?

Your first session, which is commonly called the intake session, is basically your getting-to-know-you stage. You can discuss the main reason you sought counseling or therapy in the first place, and then your therapist will pick up from there. Contrary to what most people think, you don’t need to rehearse what you need to say during your first session. In this first session, you can almost always get a good feel of whether a particular therapist is the right fit.

Therapists will not “solve” your problems in life for you. But they will do their damn best to help you with all their tools, education, and experience, and your job is to put all these resources into action. Remember that this is a partnership, an alliance, a collaborative venture.

You know you’ve stumbled into a good therapist when they:

1. Validate your experience and efforts and not minimize them.
2. Listen and can keep up with the way you tell your story.
3. Provide various perspectives to your circumstance, experience, and behavior, and give you the choice to decide which perspective will help you move forward.
4. Disagree with you without making you feel invalidated.
5. Have a genuine interest and connection with you and your progress.
6. Don’t morally judge or condemn you when you share your darkest secrets or your most vulnerable self.

You can add more to this list; these are what I think are the general non-negotiables.

Once you’ve found a therapist or counselor and have committed to a few more sessions, stay with it, even when you are not in crisis. Whether you’re just there to feel proud of how you’ve been handling yourself, to seek further support, or to realign yourself, seeing your therapist can help you unload mentally and emotionally.

Sometimes, this is all we really need: a breathing space.

With that, I wish you find the right one for you. It can be a beautiful healing journey, and I hope you stay the course. I leave you with this quote from author and respected psychotherapist Dr. David Richo:

Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.

Get excited to meet your best self.

Rachel is a certified life coach and a psychological counselor, and is the co-founder and co-director of Lighthouse Wellness and Life Coaching Services, a holistic wellness support group. Together with their pool of wellness coaches, psychologists, and counselors, they educate people on various aspects of health and conduct one-to-one services online. For more information, visit www.lighthousewellnessph.com. Rachel is also a yoga and meditation teacher and is the owner of Treehouse Yoga Philippines.