Why We Keep Going Back to Abusive People
And 4 steps to help break the cycle.
I thought I’d be mad, but it’s just pity.
I was sitting on a downtown patio in the most gorgeous Memphis weather enjoying Saturday brunch with my partner and our friends, and there they were, walking down the street hand-in-hand.
It was the first time I’d seen him in ages. And this monster — who put me through so much toxic abuse, who lied incessantly to and about me, who betrayed his wife and ushered in my divorce because he said he wanted to be with me and I believed him — had a girl on his arm.
For the briefest second, that old codependent “why wasn’t I good enough?” nonsense popped into my head. As quickly as it appeared, I dismissed it. I was always too good for him; he even said so. And now I know that his inability to be a healthy partner wasn’t about me — his Cluster B personality lacks the capacity to truly love himself, let alone others.
I thought I’d be mad or jealous to see him with someone else, giving her the attention he promised me.
But when I realized who this girl was — none other than the ex-wife — I felt nothing but pity.
She and I lived through three years of lies, gaslighting, triangulation, and…
