You Will ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
¯\_(ツ)_/¯is so 2014. Here are the emoticons you’ll be overusing in 2015.
By Laura Olin
The word to sum up 2014 is not “culture,” as Merriam-Webster suggested, or “exposure” (Dictionary.com), or — good lord — “vape” (Oxford Dictionaries).
No, the word to sum up this steaming garbage heap of a year is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, which we turned to when processing each new terrible and/or horrific news story: an overwhelming sense that everything is terrible and can hardly get worse.
What will be the emoticons of 2015, a year that — by sheer dint of probability — must be a little bit better? Here are some possibilities:
A feeling of bright-eyed, forward-facing optimism with a duration of at least six to eight seconds.
(◡ ‿ ◡ ✿)
A peaceful resolve to turn away from the headlines, retire to a friendly field of wildflowers, festoon one’s hair and/or beard with some of them, and pretend the news has just stopped happening.
(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
With the help of David Caruso and possibly some anxiety medication: dealing with it.
( ⧉ ⦣ ⧉ )
A cheerful personal preference for retina-destroying virtual reality.
A sloth-like refusal to process any new information until at least a day and many intervening naps have passed.
The suggestion that the news of the day just needs a little accordion music.
╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭
The same overwhelming sense of directionless desolation as ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But cuter.
Laura Olin writes the Everything Changes newsletter.