14.

You Will ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

¯\_(ツ)_/¯is so 2014. Here are the emoticons you’ll be overusing in 2015.

By Laura Olin

The word to sum up 2014 is not “culture,” as Merriam-Webster suggested, or “exposure” (Dictionary.com), or — good lord — “vape” (Oxford Dictionaries).

No, the word to sum up this steaming garbage heap of a year is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, which we turned to when processing each new terrible and/or horrific news story: an overwhelming sense that everything is terrible and can hardly get worse.

What will be the emoticons of 2015, a year that — by sheer dint of probability — must be a little bit better? Here are some possibilities:

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

A feeling of bright-eyed, forward-facing optimism with a duration of at least six to eight seconds.


(◡ ‿ ◡ ✿)

A peaceful resolve to turn away from the headlines, retire to a friendly field of wildflowers, festoon one’s hair and/or beard with some of them, and pretend the news has just stopped happening.


(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

With the help of David Caruso and possibly some anxiety medication: dealing with it.


( ⧉ ⦣ ⧉ )

A cheerful personal preference for retina-destroying virtual reality.


(⊙ω⊙)

A sloth-like refusal to process any new information until at least a day and many intervening naps have passed.


[:||||||||||||:]

The suggestion that the news of the day just needs a little accordion music.


╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

The same overwhelming sense of directionless desolation as ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But cuter.

Laura Olin writes the Everything Changes newsletter.

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