“I am stuck with nobody but myself here”

I met her at her work and I talked with her again and again, what strikes me about this lady is her big energy for life. She’s been through a lot and came here alone. Now, she built her life here with great positivity and dedication. Truly inspiring. — Lisette Scholtens

Her Story:

I was supposed to start my life after university, but I started only now, 25 years later. My life is about how I want it now, how I want to live.

As a regular girl in Syria, you don’t have any ambition, not any aim for having your own personality. It is like this: if you are a nice looking girl, you don’t have to worry, you will make it. Anyway, I didn’t feel this way and I wanted to continue my studies after my first study and I did. I didn’t like it so much, economics, but I was good at mathematics, so I did it. After I finished my studies I felt like I couldn’t work yet. There was no work in Aleppo. But since I had always been helping my mother with raising my younger siblings, I decided I can try teaching. I found work in teaching. I took many different language courses and I had work. But I felt lost, I didn’t know myself.

In that time I met a great friend, her father was working for the Turkish consulate in Aleppo. She left after three years, but we always kept writing each other letters and postcards, every month. We did this for 25 years. With special occasions, or sometimes without a special occasion, we talked on the phone. When the war started she asked me many times to come to Turkey. I told her that I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to stick with my city Aleppo. Even when the situation in Aleppo was getting worse and worse, I told her I couldn’t come. I was already lost, I couldn’t find myself. Sometimes I was even afraid. I thought, if I go to another country, I will be even more lost.

Then something personal happened and I wanted leave Aleppo as soon as possible. I asked my family: ‘is it okay that I leave?’ and they told me: ‘it is okey, you are grown up and you have your friend there.’ So, I went. It was a long road, via Lebanon. It was my first adventure, it was crazy. My friend had been telling me all the time to come, I could stay with her. But exactly in the month that I wanted to come, her son had some kind of an important exam and she told me I couldn’t stay in her house. She let me stay with her family, who she hadn’t been talking with for 20 years. She called them for me. When I came to Istanbul and her mother picked me up, she still recognized me after 25 years.

My friend’s brother asked me right away, the first evening, if I needed a job. We arranged an interview and three days later I had my first working day in Turkey. The wife of my boss asked me if I wanted to stay with her, her husband was going to be out of the city for a while. In return she wanted me to teach her children English. I decided to take that offer, because I didn’t want to bother my friend’s family either. After about two months, I started to feel uncomfortable with my boss and we had some issues. After a while I quit.

Later I arranged my residence permit and I switched many different jobs. I was discovering how to deal with bad situations and I didn’t want to go back to my old life. I enjoyed solving all my problems and I met some great friends who supported me so well. However, I was not happy, I was a Syrian in Turkey and still I was suffering. They told me: ‘don’t tell that you are Syrian, don’t tell that you live on you own.’ I just felt like a robot doing my work. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something that makes me happy.

Never will I accept somebody to use me. I refuse it, that is why I changed many jobs. I am stuck with nobody but myself here in Istanbul. That is how I want to live. I don’t take jobs that I don’t like any longer, I want to be ethical towards myself. I learned a lot from all the jobs that I have tried. I gained a lot of experience from this. Not just work experience, but life experience as well. I had days that I didn’t even know if I would have a penny the next day, but I wasn’t worried about it. Back in Aleppo, I was really worried, here I wasn’t.

In January I started working for a company that supports Syrians in finding a job. There I am very happy. I like the job so much, I even quit smoking for a while! I get a good salary and it is work that I like. I am finding myself now. I am much more open now, than I was when I came to Istanbul two years ago. One day, if I get the chance, I want to go to Italy. I love italy.

What I want to say to Turkish people? Please, a little respect for Syrians, don’t be afraid of us.