I was thinking about nothing when I was dancing. Neither war nor future concerns…
Keep doing what you feel is right and keep expressing yourself. — Büşra Dündar
Before the war, my father was working in tourism sector so I traveled to Turkey often with my family. We knew life well here. So it was not so difficult to get used to living here. We did not think it would take long when the war started. We thought we will spend a month, a maximum of two months, and we thought it would be over soon. We came to Istanbul saying that we would be taking a vacation in this process. We stayed at a hotel in Istanbul for a month. We were spending all our money like we were on a holiday. After Istanbul, we went to Mersin with our friends. The situation never got better in Syria, and a year had passed. The whole year we were tourists. We did not have any income left. Our business in Syria was tourism and tourism was over when the war started. We also had a restaurant, but the business did not make good revenue.
In Syria, while we were in a good financial condition. My father decided to move to Iskenderun and bought a house there. Iskenderun was a cheap city. We spent nine months in Iskenderun. I was really bored of the life in Iskenderun. I said to my family, “Whether you are here or not, I am going to Istanbul.”
At first, my primary goal was to get a visa and go to Germany. However, a friend of my father’s had a company in Istanbul and they offered me to work there because I spoke Turkish very well and also had knowledge of English. He hired me saying that we would do very good things together. I actually worked as a guide at that time and did a good job. A month later my family came to Istanbul, but they did not earn enough money from the jobs in Syria because my cousin, who kept on carrying out my dad’s business there, cheated us.
Besides, my father and my brother were also having difficulties in learning Turkish. My mother could speak a little because she was of Turkish descent, but even though my father and sister had Turkish courses, they couldn’t learn Turkish language. So they decided to return to Syria at the end of a year in Istanbul. My family bought a safe house in Aleppo and started living there. This “safe” neighborhood was safer compared to other parts of the city. In the meantime, this area was accidentally bombed. In one case, a bomb fell three buildings away from our house, the building collapsed and six people lost their lives. I can say that the life is getting better compared with past six months. But it is also a fact that you can live as long as there is money, you die when you are out of money.
Since my parents came back to Syria, I live here alone. I also want to go back but there are some strains that keep me from returning back to Syria. We had our own business and a good life there. When I went somewhere I am the one who is served there but I am the one who serving other people here. I know I will get bored after a while when I get there despite this situation. It is difficult to live elsewhere after I have been used to live in Istanbul once. Istanbul 7/24 is a lively city, where you can find everything and I think it is the most beautiful place in the world. Apart from that, people in Aleppo have also changed a lot. How normally can you talk to someone who has been living with war for six years? The war changed people, making them more self-conscious individuals. Previously there was a commitment. For example, once you get married and this bond will not break for life, divorces and separation were not seen frequently. Maybe, it was due to religion or culture caused, but as a result people are connected and thinking about each other. Actually, the Syrians who come here are also changing, and nobody can stay like they were in the past. Some of them have different lives, because of cultural influences and some of the memories of war. I also struggled a lot when I came there.
Then as I learned the language, I started to feel like Turks, not like Syrian, as I started to think and live as every Turks around me. Even in my daily life I do not speak Arabic very often, I usually use Turkish. Even if I go back to Syria, I do not think I can live with those different people for a long time because of these reasons. Even though I want to return to my country like every other Syrian, a person like me cannot get used to the life there. Although I feel like a Turk myself, sometimes it is a problem for me to be Syrian. For example, because I am only Syrian, when I want to quit my job, they do not pay the last month’s salary or get the salary you deserve. Because there is no insurance, you cannot complain at all. When a Syrian tries to complain, they will find themselves in trouble because of the problems in your residence or work permit. I have experienced such troubles in some places where I work.
When I first came to Istanbul three and a half years ago, I saw a dance course announcement while walking in Taksim. When I asked them they told me “You can try it today”. That’s how my story with dancing started. I was working as a guide at the time. During the day, I was dealing with groups of at least fifty people and my mind was very tired dealing with so many people. It was the best way to have a rest in the evening after work. I was thinking about nothing when I was dancing. No war, no anxieties about future … The dance was good for my psychology. I was not only thinking about the situation in Syria now, but also myself. I danced as a hobby for a while, and then I started to work as an assistant. I am dance teacher now. I teach Latin dances like Salsa, Cha Cha, Bachata. I have a new partner for five months and we have a good dance harmony. We get very good offers. I would like to say what I planned to do in the future, I wanted to open a café and run it before, but now I want to continue living as a dancer.
