Syrian Women! The faith of Syria depends on us!
I am very weak in front tears. I cannot control myself sometimes. I have to admit it took me great efforts in these silent minutes to change the topic when the story is sensitive. — Subhi Moazzen
Her Story:
In Syria I was living in Damascus. When the incidents started to take place my family and I had to flee to our home town in Sweida. I spent 1 and a half year in Sweida until I got married and then me and my husband went to Lebanon. We stayed in Lebanon for almost 1.5 year.
It was the worst days of my life I spent there. At first finding a good paying job was really difficult. My husband worked as a freelance translator, but he was always been exploited for a cheap price. In Damascus I used to work as a teacher. I am a hardworking woman and I do not like to sit and do nothing, but in Lebanon it was so hard to find a job and it made me depressed my whole time in there. I was socializing with my friends and neighbors to get over these hard times. But we reached to an extent that we had to leave because things became more difficult.
We decided to come to Turkey to flee by the sea to Europe. My husband’s and my life savings could barely take us to Europe. We left Lebanon with only 2 bags. We had problems while we are leaving Lebanon regarding residence permit and due to that we missed the plane and had to buy another plane ticket. We spent almost 1000 $ for each for coming to Turkey. We arrived Turkey with less than 1000 dollars and we did not have a place to stay. When we asked our relatives to support us with some money and they said “You better to come back to Syria, it is a big risky step to go to Turkey”.
We barely could rent a house to stay in. Another 15 days and my husband found 2 jobs. We needed to work to live, and to keep the dream of going to Europe alive.
My husband started working in a Syrian organization. He got a really small salary. It was a bad experience because the way they treated people was the same way the regime in Syria was doing, but different ideology. They had the same disrespectful behavior, dictatorism and persecution. Those guys who are talking against these values they were literally the same or worse. He changed his job afterwards. And I found a job for me as well. We had to work together to pay a debt we took from friends in Syria. We were sending 150 $ monthly to Syria. And another 200 $ for my parents to support them to afford their living expenses in Syria since their salaries cannot help them to survive there after the war.
We still feel insecure here, because there are always unpredictable decisions for the Syrian citizens by Turkish authorities. We became afraid that they might make a decision to deport us all of sudden. It leads us to seek ways to get out and immigrate to another country … (Silence .. Tears).
I interrupted: Do you want to go back to Damascus?
I wish I could do but I cannot. It is going to be extremely difficult for me. Actually I never felt that I am a human being in Syria. As a human being and as a woman there. I am not protected legally as a woman in Syria. I have no value in Syrian society as a woman. Even the law is against us. I do not feel of my existence in Syria at all.
What about here?
Well, here I am just a number. This is not my country. I don’t feel the future. I feel like we are here only to work, eat, and pay the rent. I need to feel belonging which is my simple right.
Sometimes I feel I am happy here and I have friends and it is a beautiful country. But at the same time I say “and then what?…” I always have the feeling that I am leaving and I am no longer staying in my current home!
I do not see any horizon for Syria now. I am not optimistic about it either because I see what kinds of people are dominating it . How can I be optimistic about the people who are supposed to rule Syria in the future and I can clearly see them how they are treating each other now! Like they did with my husband. They are just like the regime. Though there are a lot of good Syrians here, but I still get surprised by bad people and I get upset. I had been judged many times by Syrians for coming from Sweida or for being Durzi which I did not choose. One day somebody asked me what are you doing here in Turkey then!. Freedom is not only a slogan or a word you say. It is a change from ourselves from the inside and my mindset towards others. We have to learn this.
I had wonderful friends from all over the Syrian cities. I never had friends from Aleppo, or Raqqa, but in Gaziantep I had. Gaziantep was a reason to get to know each other. We Syrians! We did not know each other!.
I want to send a message for the Syrian woman. You are really strong and brave. You deserve to gain respect from everyone. Love yourself. I am hopeful that the Syrian issue would be solved by women.
For the Turkish women I would like to say that I am eager to know you more and to be closer to you. Yesterday I felt like family with my Turkish friends when we went for picnic. They were amazing. I believe that there has to be more efforts like this to integrate Syrians with Turkish youths. I have been here for 2 years and I did not learn Turkish because I do not feel that I am staying here. And that made a barrier between me and Turkish poeple. They might think that we refuse to integrate with them because we did not learn their language for 2 years. But I want to say that it is not because of that, it is just because our tragedy is way bigger than everything. We Syrians are really good and kind people. We just need a chance. Our only fault is that we were born in Syria, where we never had a value (where we always been valueless)
I miss my Mom and Dad so bad. (Silence … tears) I would love to see them again.
I always regret it, because they are still suffering in Syria away from me.
