Naming & Shaming Our Abusers
As much as we all want to tell our truths and be heard, it’s hard to speak up and name our abusers.
I came across an unofficial sexual offenders registry (i.e. a google spreadsheet), created by one of us who can’t sit back and watch from the sidelines anymore. She wants to do something to protect women and LGBTQ communities given that the system is set up against us.
I was excited about the registry. A list of predator men (and women) to be wary of. Protective armour for us. A method to collect actual data on sexual violence/ assault/ abuse. I was excited to name and shame and get all my girls on board.
But, it’s hard!
Hard to name my cousin who kissed me at age 7, then again at age 12 where he also ‘politely’ asked if I would have sex with him. He continues to proposition me to date.
Hard to name my other cousin who kissed me at age 15 and kept up some sort of ‘relationship’ between us for a couple months.
Hard to name Dad’s friend who pretended to be a mentor, inviting me to a meeting where flaunts me as his girlfriend/ secretary and then to lunch where he gropes me and asks me to take a weekend trip with him.
Hard to name my boss’s boss who’s first words to me were “You have beautiful eyes”. He tried to kiss me and offered me trips out of town and expensive shoes. Yawn.
Hard to name the cop who almost kidnapped my friend and I, letting us off with a “girls shouldn’t be out late at night” threat.
It’s hard to keep going here because the worst things are not easy to reveal or even think about.
I believe in a sexual offenders registry. Name and shame and warn off those who will come after us. But, gah! Why is it so hard to come out with it?
