“Grace”

When I was fourteen, I started dating a sixteen-year-old boy who, over the next two and a half years, sexually and physically abused me. At first I blamed myself — for letting him go too far before stopping him. I suffered a black eye and multiple bruises all over my body. But it took his putting his hands around my throat and my faking passing out before I ran out of his car and told my sister. She supported me in never letting him have access to me again. When you’re young, you believe that it is your fault, and you are now damaged goods that no one would ever want.

My next relationship was warm and gentle but resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. I was still in high school and not yet eighteen. Again my sister helped me and arranged an illegal abortion in a Baltimore hotel. Not a pleasant experience, nor one that I would wish on any woman. Planned Parenthood was instrumental in providing me choices to continue my life without the shame or guilt of the past experiences.

I have been open to my children about my experiences. I had been raped. My mother had been also raped at fourteen — a fact I did not learn about until my thirties. My daughter would know how to protect herself. My son would respect women. I had conversations with their friends, with my nephews. “No” was “no” and violence of any sort was not acceptable.

Over Christmas, I had a discussion about why I was marching. My son, daughter, and daughter- in-law (who is African-American and has already been told to go back to Africa twice) weren’t as enthused about it as I was. They are all totally disgusted with this political election and want it over.

I realized that they had not grown up in the world that I had. We had made a difference in the 60’s and 70’s. These children assume equality — women’s, racial, sexual — as the norm. They don’t know the world as it was. They don’t realize how fragile it all is and how easily it could be wiped away.

But right now, that is not what controls our government. So much good can be undone, and the battle needs to be fought before the forces in power affect change. We should be striving to improve. America is great and to take it back is not progress. The majority of Americans voted against this, and we need to keep our voices loud and strong.

That is why I march.

I would prefer anonymity but if you need a name, please just call me “Grace.”

[Editor’s note: I received this response via email.]