“Read My Vagina Lips” — Politics Unveiled

One cuntry, one penis, one constitution. Politics is the art of blowing hot-air — out your ass! It’s a collaboration of loud-mouths who coat their words in Vaseline and believe that making war is easier than making peace. It’s a waste of time to try to write a letter to Washington — he’s dead. He died a couple hundred years ago, you asswipe. Didn’t you see “Hamilton” on Broadway?

You have to question the intentions of people who run for political office. Are they doing it for the glory or for the money? Most are rich, power-hungry sociopaths who try to discourage us from participating in affairs that properly concern us. Others are puffed up chameleons of popularity who enjoy the breath of the crowd more than the quiet breezes of individuality. The founding fathers, the people who formed politics, were a bunch of hypocrites. Thomas Jefferson bragged in the Declaration of Independence that “all men are created equal.” Bullshit! He owned hundreds of slaves. In fact, he banged a couple of them. His good life at Monticello wouldn’t have been possible without their down and dirty loving.

The real problem with the government is that it scratches where there ain’t no itch. If “pro” is the opposite of “con,” then “Progress” is the opposite of “Congress.” They create problems to make it look like they’re busy doing something. And they always make promises — that’s their true downfall. Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hard to deliver. My girlfriend is always ranting about political issues. So I stuck a bar of soap up her vagina. Now she has a soapbox.

The first two amendments of the Constitution give me the right to swear and keep a loaded gun in my house. I combine the two privileges: my mouth is a charged weapon. I walk tall and carry a big dick. I believe in the United States of America as a nation of the perverts, by the perverts, for the perverts — whose flagrant fantasies are spots on the cankers of the experimental. I mean, come on, more people beat-off in this country than vote. Personally, I’m against political jokes. Too often they get elected. I have a buddy who’s a politician. He’s a good friend — he stabs me in the front.