Monsters in the Mundane Part 1: a look at some Japanese monsters
Hello again dear readers and thank you for joining us for this positively gruesome tour of monstrous creatures. This is not our usual content so if you were hoping for something more witchy and less macabre, we advise you to check our other postings. This lovely monster tour is the first of our Halloween viewings and part one of our Monsters and Urban Legends segment. We hope that you will enjoy learning what lurks around these lovely islands we all call home. If you want to see more creepy critters, we urge you to keep apprised of the Chugoku Critters posts.
So get your salt brand of choice and let’s begin. Worry not dear readers, we are somewhat positive that these are simply tall tales, and that there is no need for you to fear your evening commute. Although we aren’t liable if you happen to be scooped up by something near the river, so you may want to bring a buddy. Always good to have someone else to call 119 on your behalf, you being busy with being eaten and all… We’re joking. Hah! You should have seen your face. Ahhhh works every time. Anyhoo…
Monsters have long been a part of human existence. Where we go, they go and we have come up with all sorts of tales about what they look like or how they can be slain or why you are even able to see them in the first place. Usually these sorts of tales reinforce societal codes of ethics and morality and have some deeper meaning about how one should conduct their affairs. Something about not trying to eat somebody’s grandma and pretend you’re them…it was about insurance fraud or something like that, right?.
The point is there has never been a time in our existence where monsters weren’t nearby, whether it’s the spirits that guard the forests or your home, tales of woe for those who go against the grain of society, or the dark shadows we see in our rooms after the lights go out. They’re always lurking and watching. Waiting for human folley or pure dumb courage to bring humanity into their claws. The human mind is fascinating is it not?
While there are a plethora of grisly gruesome creeps we could look at today, we think it wise to look at the monsters of Japan that receive less attention than others. We’re sure you’ve all seen something with a kappa on it and thought it was cute… kawaii culture and all that. But we assure you dear readers that these creatures are much, much, more horrific (yet believable) mutations of things familiar to us. Let’s just say the land of the rising sun can create some rather nightmare-inducing shadows. So, now that you’re well aware and alert let’s look at a few of Japan’s mundane monstrosities.
Reader discretion is advised since there will be mentions of eating people, and spiders so if you’re not comfortable we suggest you make your exit now. Can’t stop the tour once we start.
Shall we begin with the Kuchisake-Onna or as she might be more commonly known to horror enthusiasts, the Slit-mouthed woman. Delightful, no? We caution you to be aware because she is no mere female ghost. Some say she is a boogie-woman for children and others say she is the demonic result of a jealous husband’s rage when he heard his wife “may” have had an affair. What we do know is she often appears in cities as the standard beautiful young woman. Once she sees you, she will approach you and ask “am I beautiful?”. Since Japanese culture tends to remark affirmatively, the subject may respond “sure… yes.. of course”. Sadly for the unlucky commentator, the moment she saw them it was already too late. She then proceeds to remove her mask and reveal the ear to ear slits on her face while asking “Am I beautiful now?”. She will then give her unwilling victim slits to match, sealing their fate.
Now, dear readers you may be thinking “well then I will just say ‘no you’re not pretty’” and while it would seem like common sense, we would advise against this. Insulting her is the same as damning yourself since she will simply cut you in half. Although we suppose this means you can save money on clothes. Regardless, the Kuchisake-Onna is not to be trifled with and if she is seen, know that you’re essentially already a goner so good luck with that.
Now if you’re brave enough to continue, dear readers let us go over to the Oshiroibaba or the white-faced hag. This lovely creature wanders around the countryside and small towns in the visage of your typical oba-san. Don’t panic, we know that there are literally a million oba-san wandering around all over your town looking at and spectating the local gaijin. Fear not! This time we have some small helpful tidbits to help you avoid a little maiming or death.
Unlike the last lady of the darkness, you will be able to spot Oshiroibaba when you see her unusual carrying case. Although there is no full description of the case it is said by a few to be a makeup case. She will approach you and hold out a hand covered in the makeup powder, this is where you should make like a mac truck and back it up. If the onlooker is close enough she will huff… puff ….and ….blow skin melting powder onto your face. As this is little too much chemical exfoliation for our tastes, we suggest you choose a light exfoliating cream instead. Just a little friendly dermatological advice from your neighborhood witches. Oshiroibaba’s story ends there, although if one thinks about it, it is rather self explanatory as to why. Anyway, moving on. We can dally not dear readers as we have more creatures to see.
Now this is the point where we will say if you are of the arachnophobic sort that you should scroll past this corner of our tale, since the jorogumo is half woman and half spider. Of course following the trend of human history, she is a beautiful lady with the lower half of a spider which she hides under long skirts and dresses. Wonderful. Sometimes we have to be creative with fashion. It’s not like Uniqlo sells pants with 8 legs, so what is she gonna do anyway? Well jorogumo is nothing if not creative. She uses any tool at her disposal to lure her victims into a desolate shack where she can feast on them and trap them in her webs. This is why we don’t trespass dear readers: abandoned it may appear but there may be a spider creature near. Easy to remember.
More recent versions of jorogumo say that she will hand you something wrapped in one of those pretty Japanese cloths, the ones that look like kimono fabric. Unfortunately, it is a nest full of spiders that then crawl out of the bag, and since she didn’t include the gift receipt we are fairly sure you’ll only be able to get a death credit if you try to return it so…shouganai as they say.
For those of you who had to jump a head welcome back! We advise some mint for any 8-legged issues you may have. While mint is excellent for memory and attracting love, it’s an excellent spider repellent as well.
Now where were we…ah! Yes, now for those of you who are more adventurous and often travel around Japan we imagine you have plans to visit or have visited Japan’s ancestral heart, Kyoto. It just so happens that Kyoto is home to the next unearthly mistress on our tour, the taxi ghost. Kyoto’s rivers are home to a number of netherworld friends, and of course our own lady in white, the taxi ghost. You will not be aware of her at first dear readers, and you may not even know that it was a ghost you spoke to since she appears as a plain woman dressed in black and white. She will stop a taxi and you will hear her say “Midoro pond please.” If you hear this then you just watched a ghost take a taxi. Cool right! We agree. Uber is still slow about accepting ectoplasm plus cards. Many taxi drivers in Kyoto have seen her or offered her a ride only to turn around and see that she is gone and only a puddle remains.
Now dear readers since we care for you so much we are offering you the chance to leave before we view our final horrifying monster of note tonight. So don’t say we aren’t generous. It was difficult for us to choose which monster to show you last, and there were many terrible contenders, as those of you who know about the railroad track ghost may well attest. We, however, chose the kyonshii also known by its Chinese name jiangshi or “hopping vampire”.
We agree the name is a bit funny, “how scary, I’ve seen twilight.” While it’s nice that you’ve watched a movie with every art teacher’s most terrifying nightmare…glitter… (need we say more?) we would caution you not to make light of the kyonshii. They can be horrifying corpses set with rigor and decay, but most often they look like us… well,like you all, dear readers since they appear human. You have become so accustomed to people around you that the kyonshi has the upper hand in the arena of hunting you. Who really thinks twice about a person on a bench at the bus stop anyway? Even better, the kyonshii doesn’t take your blood and let you go, no no no…it takes your life force and ensures that you perish. It will come out of its hiding place in the evening and roam the streets looking for victims. At least they’re respectful of working and commuting times.
Now if one believed in this sort of thing and wanted to, say, avoid being eaten, there are a few things you can do to determine if a person is a kyonshii. If you are able to do so, point a mirror in their direction. If they do not appear or they suddenly stand up screaming, congratulations you’ve found your first kyonshii. Now what? You found it, which unfortunately means it now sees you.
Luckily for you we are not without hearts and will tell you that the kyonshi is called ‘hopping vampire’ for a reason since it, well… hops, so if you run fast enough you should be able to put some space between you and it. You won’t be able to run forever, but fret not for it’s time for those annoying one yen coins you carry around to actually be useful!
Toss all the coins out in front of the kyonshi. We know this seems strange since it may be annoying to be hit with them, but they’re not heavy enough to drop a monster to the ground. Bear with us. The kyonshi is obligated by some unearthly power to stop and count all the coins that fall before it, so the lesson here is save your yennies as they may save you from becoming a fleshy snack for a hopping demon. That is, if it’s real of course, but better safe than sorry right? Not to mention you can find some super cute coin purses in your local shops, and monster hunting is best done in style.
This concludes part one of our tour of the monsters and urban legends of Japan Halloween series. We do hope you have enjoyed yourselves and know that you, our dear readers, aren’t at all scared of the things you may meet in the streets as you head home from the Daiso. Although if you ask us, frankly speaking, DAISO is the real monster as it hypnotizes you and when you come to, you find you have six black candles, various types of jars, spices, a thousand stickers and weird chocolate rice puffs, but we digress.
We hope to see you again soon for the next part of our horrific hustle: Monsters in the Mundane Part 2, Urban Legends. Stay safe dear readers and don’t forget your yennies!
Until next time,
The Witches of Wide Island
