The Real Reason why You Must Talk Money before Marriage
As my friend reminded me the other day, we’re now in our mid-20s (squeal!) which means dating is on our radar.
When it comes to finding the one (I’m told you’ll ‘just know’) you probably have a list of things you want — and need — in a partner.
Whether it’s characteristics you value or personality traits you need, I bet money rarely enters the equation! And if it does, you probably shove it aside.
Telling yourself he/she is literally all you’ve ever wanted. Okay, they might be a tad bit stingy or perhaps they’re a serial spender but is that a valid reason for calling it off?
Hell yes!
How a person deals with money from how they spend it to how they save it will speak volumes.
It will give you a further glimpse into their character and what is important to them.
That should also give you clarity on the situation in general.
And whatever you might think, you cannot change people.
My mum, bless her, is a whopper spender. She loves shopping. Yup, she’s got a pension tucked away somewhere but spending is so important to her.
She’s super generous and is forever spending on others. She’s been that way all my life and I bet all hers! And she ain’t changing anytime soon.
Money matters…a lot.
Let’s face it, money is a biggie.
It affects literally every aspect of our lives.
We interact with it on a daily basis and you want someone who is on the same page as you. Someone who has the same financial goals as you.
You’ve gotta be aligned.
Personally, I’m a serial investor (if you didn’t know that already!) and put aside as much of my salary as I can but I make sure to travel (last year I went to Budapest, Belgium, Dublin, all budget-style obvs) as I want to explore new cities and build myself a cupboard full of experiences not more clothes.
So if I went out with a guy who couldn’t stop spending, it would a) freak me out b) turn me off. Simple. There’s definitely a balance though!
My fair share of experiences
The first guy I ever dated splashed out on me. And this one date, we went to some escape-room-thing that cost north of £75, I’m guessing.
Anyway, the date wasn’t great and he made me feel bad for not having a fun time as he had spent money on the experience. Big red flag!
He cared more about the money than how I felt.
Money isn’t the be all and end all.
Safe to say that spoke volumes.
Another instance, I went out with a guy who was so frugal he didn’t even wanna pay 2 quid for parking. He insisted we park a couple blocks down.
Another guy picked me up in a BMW. It wasn’t fair of me to make my mind in that minute but yeah, I kinda did. We were miles apart. Literally.
I don’t drive (let alone own a fancy whip) and don’t really care what other people think of me, not in that way.
A happy medium is best! You’ve gotta know how to spend on your partner and on yourself but don’t overdo it in either direction!
Know your no-nos!
40–50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. And guess what makes it to the top reasons for divorce? Financial disagreements.
If you can get on the same page, let alone the same book, right away, you’ll be setting your marriage up for success.
Make a list of the things that would be a deal-breaker for you when it comes to money.
For me, if he’s a serial spender, I’m gonna run a mile! For you, it could be you want someone who’s generous with money and if they’re a stingy so-and-so, that would be your deal-breaker.
Whatever it is, don’t underestimate it. It’s important to you.
You also want to find out what their dreams/goals are. If you dream of retiring early and joining the FIRE club (financial independence, retire early) and that means a lot to you, you want to find someone who will help you get there and most likely retire early too!
If they wanna enjoy their 20s and 30s by not investing and saving so hard, that could be a problemo.
For me, I want someone who complements me. Who enjoys travelling but prioritises saving and investing for their future. But someone who is able to spend on others, not just himself.
And often, if someone is quite frugal not only will they find trouble spending on themselves but others too. That might not bother you, or it might get on your nerves.
Date to find out!
And don’t be afraid to ask questions. Get a sense of who they are and what makes them tick.
Whatever it is, figure it out. And when you date, as much as you wanna get to know their personality, their goals and so on, you really wanna find out what their money personality is like.
If you’re aligned with everything else but not money, you might survive at first but it’ll grow into something much bigger.
I’m no dating expert, trust me. These are my experiences that I thought to share with you! I’m yet to find ‘my one and only’ but boy do I have loads more clarity.
And I hope you do too!
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