A Price Worth Paying

Enduring separation for the sake of everything we hold dear.

The house was quiet in the darkness, even my husband lay there peaceful in his sleep. No loud snores as is usual. It is a slightly strange silence with not even a hint of a car engine in the distance.

Night workers furloughed like the rest of us.

Even the wind itself seems strangely settled and the world, it would seem, has gone into slumber. Our vital energies removed and batteries put on recharge.

The world remote, temporarily muted.

Meanwhile, my emotions seem to have gone right into overdrive.

I feel that bittersweetness of love to an intensity that hurts my heart.

Is it the slowing down of life?

The different routines?

Even meal times seem different.

We eat and speak together, taking longer over our food, longer to digest. There’s an unusual laziness in the air.

Well, it’s not like we are going anywhere, except maybe into the kitchen to wash our hands again.

Lying there in our cozy bed I remember why we are living like this, why we are lying longer in the morning, sitting later at night, parking our cars in the driveway, and going into virtual hibernation.

This same bed a few weeks ago had an overload of love. Four of us huddled together. Our five-year-old Grandson and two of our Granddaughters, ages seven and eight and me, the luckiest Gran in the world.

Telling our stories, and laughing like mad.

Grumpy Badger getting laldy, the usual crazy jokes from my Jackson, he’s so funny. My Laila butting in offering her opinion and telling me to get on with it, and my Olivia pulling those funny faces she is so expert at. But best of all, those tight group hugs under our homemade duvet tent, hugs that are so special. Hugs that help to settle us down for the night and gently nod off happy and content

This is my kind of precious.

What a great weekend we had together. Never for a moment thinking there would be a period ahead of us were our kisses and cuddles would be separated by miles.

And it’s the same story with our other beautiful Grandchildren, our in-laws and our own kids, grown-up, but still so very precious.

But, it’s that rollercoaster of emotions that lulls me to sleep as I focus on an attitude of gratitude and the love that this settles in my heart.

I awoke this morning to the same strong feelings, tuning straight back into that special love.

That love that I find myself yearning for.

That love that fuels my very being and keeps me sane.

That love that feels stronger than ever and hurts like mad, yet still manages to nurture my soul.

The knowing I will spend time with them all later excites me and fuels my bones for the long day ahead.

Yes, our meetings will be virtual, at least for the time being, but my head has to overrule my heart to remind me, that it’s the best and only thing to do. The more we adhere to our strict curfews, the fewer people will be hurt and the quicker we will get back to some kind of normality.

Yes, this separation, this cruel almost violation of our human rights drives a terrible hard bargain. But for the sake of the very existence of everything we hold dear, everything we love and cherish, the very centre of our universe, it is most definitely a price worth paying.

#LoveLoveLoveAllYouNeedIsLove