It’s Time to Stop and Be Still
Our drive toward endless productivity is ending
It’s midday and I’m in bed. I just returned here, freshly showered, after my walk and a leisurely breakfast (which I ate in bed). I’ve had my tea while curled up in the blankets. Then I had a cookie. Then I read for a while.
Underneath this tranquility is deep discomfort. I’m at war with myself. I feel like I should be up, doing something productive. The floors need to be vacuumed. The clutter on my desk could be cleared away. I have work projects that should be finished by now.
But also…I don’t rest much. I don’t take many breaks. I don’t read much. I have to talk myself into meditation.
Letting go of the need to be productive is hard. I’m trying, though. On this third Saturday of self-quarantine, I decided to get out of bed only when I wanted to — nine, as it turned out. Yes, that felt scandalously late. Yes, I woke up around 7:30 and laid about feeling not so much rested and relaxed but tied up with anxiety about how lazy I was being.
Letting go of the need to be productive is hard.
I made breakfast, then journaled, then read, then texted a few friends, then gave myself an orgasm, then finally dragged myself out of bed to take a walk — the one thing I…
